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"As the first picture I took appeared on my small digital camera, I could hardly believe what I was looking at. The silhouette face now had some color and much more detail, with added Christmas sunlight. The face looked very much like that of Jesus."
Boston (The Borowitz Report) - Firing up voters on the eve of the special election to fill the late Edward M. Kennedy's Senate seat, Republican candidate Scott Brown spoke at a campaign rally today, proclaiming, "With your help, our dream of depriving millions of health care is within reach."
"Let's send a message, Massachusetts!" Mr. Brown exhorted the crowd. "Let's tell people across the country that if they want health coverage, they are shit out of luck!"
An aide to Mr. Brown said that internal polling reveals that the Republican's anti-healthcare message may be catching on: "Right now, Scott is showing a double-digit lead among people who describe themselves as douchebags."