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Robot

Killer Robots Are Lying in Wait

Stoneham - My readers are always saying to me, "Pete, why do you keep writing about robots when there is actual news going on in the world, like Paris Hilton getting arrested?" And my response is always the same: "Where did you get this number?"

But the real reason I keep writing about robots is because scientists, who have apparently never seen even a single Terminator movie, keep doing robot-related things that seem destined to bring about the end of humanity as we know it. It's like they're in some kind of twisted competition with the guys in the next lab developing the deadly strains of bacteria.

In the latest incident, researchers at the Georgia Institute of Technology have apparently come up with a robot that can convincingly lie to you. It seems robots have to be taught this behavior, unlike, say, teenagers, who do it naturally as a defense mechanism. But just because we can teach a robot to lie, does that mean we should? Isn't that sort of like training a pit bull to distract you with gooey puppy-dog eyes right before it chews your arm off?

But the Georgia scientists apparently see a need for lying robots. For instance, they say a medical robot with a badly injured patient might need to avoid saying something thruthful that would cause the person to panic ("Sir, the possibility of you surviving this mishap is approximately 3,720 to 1," etc.). Or a spy robot might have to deceive an enemy into thinking it's a simple peasant girl, or a can opener.

But never fear, one of the developers told Science Daily: "Most social robots will probably rarely use deception." Of course, that's what they said about Paris Hilton.

Smiley

Maddow 'outs' herself as a 'lesbian vampire'

maddow, vampire
© NA

Ever see a newscaster wear fangs?

Last night, MSNBC host Rachel Maddow took a few moments to feature the comedy of a character named Billy Bob Neck, a right-wing, tea party extremist invented by liberal jokester Paul Day.

He'd recently brought a dire message to the Internet: the shocking revelation of Maddow's status as a covert, lesbian vampire, exposed thanks to a cleverly-disguised bite mark on her neck.

Day's shtick was funny enough that it left Maddow and her staff "unable to work, talk and in some cases breathe like normal humans are supposed to breathe," she explained.

Following the segment, the host donned a cape and fangs, yucking it up with tongue planted firmly in cheek.

Attention

Beware dihydrogen monoxide!! It can kill you!

Water is Dangerous

A student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment.

In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide."

Penis Pump

Delaware Masturbators March Against O'Donnell

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Galvanized by Republican senatorial nominee Christine O'Donnell's anti-masturbation stance, masturbators from across the state converged on Wilmington today in what some are calling the largest pro-wanking protest in American history.

Carrying signs reading, "O'Donnell: Hands Off Our Masturbation," the angry masturbators clogged downtown Wilmington, stopping traffic for blocks.

Harley Farger, a leading Delaware masturbator and planner of the Million Masturbators March, said it was difficult to organize masturbators "because they're used to acting alone."

Mr. Potato

Dog With World's Longest Tongue Slobbers Into Record Books

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© The Telegraph, UKWith a tongue measuring 4.5 inches (11.43 cm) long, a Pekingese called Puggy is revealed to have the longest tongue on a dog in the new Guinness World Records 2011
A dog with the world's longest tongue has slobbered its way into the record books.

Puggy, a 10 year-old Pekingese, was left for dead by his first owners because of his appearance.

But Guinness World Records officials have determined that his tongue is longer than any other dogs.

He has secured a spot in the Guinness World Records 2011 after judges were told how his 4.5in (11.43cm) tongue was almost as long as his entire body.

His new owners, from Texas, United States, explained that Puggy had been abandoned and left a stray after he was discarded by his previous owner because of his looks.

Becky Stanford, his current owner, said: ''People who meet Puggy for the first time do a lot of double takes; they are in total disbelief and are amused by his unique appearance.

Smiley

Summer of Recovery: Ain't No Recovery A-Comin'

The national discourse over tax cuts devolves into Twitter snaps between Robert Gibbs and John Boehner.


Bizarro Earth

Midterm Bieber Fever

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© Associated PressIf you're trying to get a message to go viral, tie in Justin Bieber.
Internet-savvy types know that teen heartthrob Justin Bieber pretty much rules the Web. Just last week, rumors spread that Bieber's fan base was so active on Twitter that the microblogging website has servers dedicated just to him. Twitter didn't confirm that, but it didn't deny it, either.

The takeaway? If you're trying to get a message to go viral, your success rate will surely be higher if you can somehow tie in the Biebs.

So that's just what Campus Progress, the college spinoff of the Center for American Progress, decided to do to get people to vote in the midterms.

The organization is highlighting a submission to its VoteAgain2010 video contest that argues that while Bieber can't vote in our midterms (he's both too young and too Canadian), shouldn't you?

Binoculars

Australia's "Forrest Gump" Plans to Run From North to South Pole

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© Agence France-Presse/Getty ImagesAustralian marathon runner Pat Farmer
An Australian ultra-marathon athlete who holds records for the fastest run around his own country and across its vast desert centre plans to run from the North to South poles.

Pat Farmer, once dubbed Australia's "Forrest Gump", aims to raise £65 million for Red Cross water and sanitation programmes during his 13,000-mile journey through 14 countries in the Americas.

"I believe I'm born with a gift," Farmer, 48, told AFP. "My gift is to be able to run long distances faster and perhaps further than any other person on Earth, so I figure I'd be a fool if I had this gift and didn't use it."

Though the trip has been some 10 years in the making, Mr Farmer said it was a recent trip to southeast Asia that inspired him to dedicate it to the Red Cross.

"I saw children covered with needlestick injuries in a dump trying to break syringes down to sell the metal inside for bottles of water," he said. "It was a heartbreaking turning point for me.

Smiley

Islamophobiapalooza

Terry Jones heeds God's call to not burn Korans, and Imam Rauf's reasonable answers sound like a threat to Fox News.