Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S

Take 2

Palin and Brolin to Star on SNL Saturday

You betcha! Gov. Sarah Palin is set to appear tomorrow night on "Saturday Night Live," the popular entertainment show that has featured Tina Fey's parodies of the Alaska governor's down-home style and colloquialisms.

Evil Rays

Putin's dog gets a satellite collar

Moscow - Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin's black labrador dog, Koni, Friday was given a collar that will allow her master to track her movements by satellite.
Putin watches his dog Koni
© REUTERS/RIA Novosti/PoolRussian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin watches his dog Koni that wears a GPS device on its collar in the Novo-Ogaryovo residence outside Moscow, October 17, 2008.

Putin interrupted a meeting of officials who were discussing the virtues of the Russia's new satellite global positioning system GLONASS to monitor cattle and wild animals.

Cow

Space smells of steak, says NASA

Outer space smells of fried steak, scientists revealed yesterday.

The universe also has an aroma of hot metal and motorbike welding, Nasa experts said.

Mr. Potato

Joe the Plumber for President

Tonight, McCain and Obama talked about Joe the Plumber, and how their respective economic plans would affect him. After hearing about his situation for five minutes, I am fully confident that Joe the Plumber should be considered seriously as a Presidential Candidate.

X

Suit against God thrown out over lack of address

LINCOLN, Neb. - A judge has thrown out a Nebraska legislator's lawsuit against God, saying the Almighty wasn't properly served due to his unlisted home address. State Sen. Ernie Chambers filed the lawsuit last year seeking a permanent injunction against God.

Smiley

Satire: Bush Calls For Panic

WASHINGTON - In a nationally televised address to the American people Wednesday night, President Bush called upon every man, woman, and child to spiral uncontrollably downward into complete and utter panic.

Rocket

Tina Fey 'leaving Earth' if Palin wins

Tina Fey
© Dana Edelson / APActress Tina Fey told TV Guide she's "done" if John McCain and Sarah Palin win the election.
Actress has had fun with impersonation on 'SNL,' but can't do four years

Tina Fey is generating big laughs and big audiences for "Saturday Night Live" with her impersonation of Gov. Sarah Palin, but the actress hopes it doesn't last.

Mr. Potato

Best of the Web: Resignation letter from the McCain/Palin Campaign

YES WE CAN'T! WE ARE PUTTING OUR COUNTRY FIRST AND SUSPENDING OUR CAMPAIGN FOR GOOD!

palin mccain wave
My Friends,

Over the past few days I have come to realize that my campaign for President has devolved into a national disgrace. The negative campaign tactics I have unleashed are dangerously dividing our country while fueling religious and racial hatred along socio-economic lines. In my ruthless attempt to win the Presidency at any cost I have abandoned any principles of decency I once had and am now only a shadow of my former self to everyone who knows me or thought they knew me, or once respected me. Also I have come to realize that my unfair and disgustingly false attacks on Senator Obama's character, which were thinly disguised attempts to link him and his wife Michelle to Muslim terrorists, have been the last thing anyone who claims to be putting "Country First" would do. And worse, I may have even placed him and his family in danger from the radical and dangerous extremists who now inhabit and infect the base of my party - a group I once denounced but decided I needed to vigorously cultivate by turning myself into a "flip-flopper" in order to win this election. I encourage my fellow Senators to file ethics charges against me for having done something so disgraceful like this.

Comment: Robyn Crane found a creative way to spell out some truths of the GOP ticket and their fascist campaign. Let's not forget though that - once more- these are faux elections.


Pumpkin

Hollowed out pumpkin boat race takes place in Vermont

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Canoepkins? Pumpyaks?
It's harvest time and pumpkins are plentiful. But these days gourds are being used for much more than just pies and jack-o-lanterns. Some kayakers on Vermont's Lake Champlain yesterday took the hollow in Halloween quite literally.

Pumpkin

Man wins contest with 1,528-pound pumpkin

HALF MOON BAY, Calif. - Thad Starr's giant pumpkin really began putting on weight in August. A lot of weight. The pumpkin gained about thirty pounds a day on its way to victory Monday at the 35th annual Safeway World Championship Pumpkin Weigh-off in Half Moon Bay.
1528lb pumpkin
© AP Photo/Paul SakumaThad Starr, of Pleasant Hill, Ore., tips his hat after winning in the World Championship Pumpkin Weigh-Off contest in Half Moon Bay, Calif., Monday, Oct. 13, 2008. Starr's pumpkin weighed 1,528 pounds (693 kg) and beat the local contest record.

Starr's pumpkin finished at 1,528 pounds, beating the contest record he set last year by four pounds.

"We really pamper them," Starr, 41, of Pleasant Hill, Ore., said about the pumpkins he raises, adding that the secret to growing big pumpkins is good soil.

Tim Beeman, a spokesman for the contest, said Starr's pumpkin was four feet, four inches tall with a circumference of about 15 feet.

Starr beat out dozens of other growers from Washington, Oregon and California. Beeman said seven pumpkins came in at more than 1,000 pounds.

Forklifts were used to place the giant gourds on a 5-ton, industrial-strength scale. Starr said he bought a trailer to transport his giant gourd.