Don't Panic! Lighten Up!


Latest major scientific breakthrough bumped from front page for picture of a Kardashian

In what is said to be a damning indictment of the scientific community, the latest major breakthrough in scientific research has failed to reach the front pages of most newspapers and media outlets.

Researchers at Harvard University in America have found an instantaneous cure for Aids, Alzheimers and Cancer while also conclusively providing the true meaning of life.

However, these underwhelming breakthroughs have been over shadowed in the media by a picture of a Kardashian, who was deemed more news worthy then discoveries which will save billions of lives.

"You've got to ask yourself if curing aids, cancer and alzheimers was that big of a deal, it would be on the front page, it just would but it's not, so science people should stop moaning," explained internet and Facebook statuses expert Killian Lambert.

Researchers at Harvard pointed out that they had also discovered a way to produce harmless but vital renewable fuels while also solving all water shortages in the third world, yet it seems a picture of a Kardashian in a dress which draws the eye of the viewer to the arse area has pipped these discoveries to the post.

Obama distraught after his calls to Putin go immediately to voice-mail

Knock knock Crimea
© Unknown
In what he called "a provocative and defiant act," President Obama charged on Tuesday that Russian President Vladimir Putin has started letting his calls go directly to voice mail.

Speaking at the White House before this week's NATO summit, a visibly furious Obama said that Putin's new practice of letting his calls go straight to voice mail "hampers our ability to discuss the future of Ukraine and other important issues going forward."

Having left dozens of voice mails for the Russian President, Obama said that he tried to reach him via e-mail on Monday night but received an out-of-office auto reply.

"Given what he has been up to in Ukraine over the past few weeks, I find it impossible believe he has been out of the office," Obama said.

The President hinted that Putin's failure to respond to his voice mails could result in additional sanctions and signaled that he did not intend to call the Russian President again. "I have left my last voice mail for him," he said, adding that the last time he called Putin his mailbox was full.

Comment: Satire, but so close to the truth. However, it's not Putin who isn't listening. Mr. Teleprompter-in-chief Obama is the one ignoring the real humanitarian crisis and spouting bald-faced lies about what's really going on in Ukraine. If there's anyone who's more deserving of being 'unfriended', it's Obama and his scriptwriters.


MSMBS World News Headlies: ISIS, Gaza, Ukraine and more...

rap news
The wickedly satirical Juice Rap News casts a discerning eye over the remarkable series of events over the last few weeks.

From Gaza to Syria, ISIS to Ukraine, sinkholes to Ebola, and Ferguson to Robin Williams, the world has been experiencing a seemingly endless series of disturbing events: how do we manage to deal with all the painful ironies and bloody tragedies of these times?

Watch more at and
Life Preserver

Siberian ground squirrel is rescued after getting stuck in its own hole! Was probably preparing for the upcoming Ice Age

Siberian 'suslik' needs human rescue from passing motorists on Olkhon island in Lake Baikal.
© Tatiana PsihAl
Out, out and away! Lucky ground squirrel is rescued by a couple of drivers.
A watchful couple notice the ground squirrel wedged in its hole in the middle of a dirt track on the popular tourist island. A female voice tells the driver to slow down and asks: 'What's up there?'

A male voice answers: 'Is he stuck?' His companion says: 'Let me have a look... we've got to help', and walks out of the car. As she examines the marooned creature in its hole, he shouts: 'Don't touch him Tan (Tanya), he can bite!'

Putin 'invades' Cannes with colorful explosives! Russia victorious at international fireworks competition

© AFP Photo / Jean Christophe Magnenet
Fireworks light the sky over the Croisette during the Pyrotechnic Art Festival in Cannes, southeastern France, on August 24, 2014
With their unique and breathtaking pyro-music performance a Russian fireworks company from Kaliningrad has won the "Olympic prize in pyrotechnics" at an international fireworks festival in Cannes.

The Russian team's performance watched by over 200,000 spectators won over the jury by combining tradition and innovation. The magic of Khan pyrotechnic company from Kaliningrad bewitched all members of the jury with a sophisticated and unique show full of intensity called Black swan.

In their concept, the Russian designers explained that their performance set out to create "deep emotions aroused both by the legendary music of Tchaikovsky and enchanting fireworks, while revealing the exceptional grace and beauty of the black swan."

"Black swan is far from being a symbol of sorrow. Maybe one of them will grant you good luck!" Khan says.

Snakes in Suits

Westminster bullying: UK to withdraw independent Scotland's right to use English language

The government has this week threatened to withdraw an independent Scotland's right to use the English language. The announcement is the clearest sign yet that, in the event of a pro-independence vote, the remainder of the UK could hesitate to allow a 'linguistic union' with the new Scottish nation.

Insiders at the anti-independence Better Together campaign are reportedly confident of the gambit's strategic effectiveness. One consultant pointed out to our reporter, even in the event of a vote for independence, the withdrawal of English would leave Scottish delegates at a 'very significant' disadvantage in subsequent negotiations over the actual terms of the separation.

The announcement has proved controversial, with many pro-independence figures accusing the government of 'bullying' Scottish voters. Many have opined that, in the event of a Yes vote, the UK government would be forced to concede when faced with the prospect of losing such icons as Doctor Who star Peter Capaldi. The Yes campaign has, nonetheless, come under pressure for its repeated failure to offer a 'Plan B' on which language to use post-independence, as early suggestions of Flemish or Latin have been quickly quashed by Belgian and Vatican City authorities.

Another area of debate has concerned those countries around the world which already use English as an official language. Supporters of Scottish independence have been quick to foreground the United States and Canada, which are both long-standing members of this category. Unionist representatives, however, have struck back against this argument, asserting that these experiments in linguistic overlap have been 'unsuccessful at best'.

Russia's Central Bank refuses to replace 100-ruble note showing 'intimate parts' of naked Greek God

© Moscow Times
The 100-ruble bill with a picture of Apollo.
A request to have a naked Greek God removed from Russia's widely used 100-ruble note to protect minors has been turned down by the country's Central Bank, a news report said.

Liberal Democratic Party lawmaker Roman Khudyakov had appealed to the bank in July, arguing the depiction of Apollo on the banknote showed "intimate parts of the body" and it should therefore come with an "18+" rating.

But the bank has now told the nationalist lawmaker it will not scrap the bill's image of the Apollo statue from Moscow's Bolshoi Theater portico, Russian newspaper Izvestia reported Friday.

In a letter to Khudyakov cited by Izvestia, the bank's first deputy chairman Georgy Luntovsky said the image of Apollo used on the note is too small for children to discern specific parts of the deity's anatomy.

Granting the image could be regarded as pornographic, Luntovsky said official complaints could only be filed by the state communication watchdog, Roskomnadzor, not by an individual State Duma deputy.
Mr. Potato

Dumb and dumber: Umbrella carrying University of CA staff member surrounded by SWAT team

ca state san marcos swat

Open carry of umbrellas soon to be prohibited.
A SWAT team on the campus of California State University San Marcos surrounded a staff member equipped with protective rain gear this week.

The incident, which occurred early Wednesday morning, was prompted by a call to the San Diego County Sheriff's office of a bald white male, wearing a black shirt and jeans and walking across campus carrying a rifle. This resulted in a shelter-in place order for some 400 staff and students going through orientation before the start of the fall session. Rapidly, facility and classmates banded together to barricade doors with tables and chairs, expecting the worst.

The situation resolved itself after 30 minutes when an umbrella-bearing teacher figured out he matched the description of the alleged gunman and surrendered to law enforcement.

Comment: When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.


Flouride: Because the government cares about your teeth...a lot

flouride psa
© Truthstream Media
The same government that has no problem legalizing all kinds of chemicals that wreak havoc on your entire body...really cares about your teeth. A lot. Enough to add chemical byproducts from fertilizer manufacturing to your water for you whether you like it or not. For your teeth. They don't care enough about you to add, say, vitamins to the water while they're in there adding that fluoride...but your teeth. Yes. Your teeth (and only your teeth) are very, very important to the government.

Brought to you by the Oh Just Shut Up and Drink It Already, Who Even Needs a Pineal Gland Coalition.

Awwww! Chris Pratt wears his Star-Lord outfit for a bunch of hospitalized kids

© Twitter
If you're weary of the internet's non-stop Chris Pratt lovefest, you'll find no solace this week. Pratt once again proved himself in the role of Male Jennifer Lawrence when he visited a children's hospital Wednesday, wearing his Star-Lord outfit from Guardians of the Galaxy.

Here's another photo of cool, nice guy Chris Pratt being cool and nice at Children's Hospital Los Angeles:

Further proof that Chris Pratt is the best (thank you kindly for the photo, @Reddit user angelkirie)
- HuffPost Celebrity (@HuffPostCeleb) August 21, 2014