Don't Panic! Lighten Up!


United Church of Bacon membership trebles after offering free weddings, baptisms and funerals


Mocked: The Church of Bacon has put up billboards around Las Vegas
Meat-lovers are flocking to the United Church of Bacon to confess their love for the meat treat after founders offered weddings, funerals and baptisms.

Membership has trebled in just three months and now over 12,000 are signed up to follow prophets who spread the word of the 'bacon God'.

Followers boast titles like 'Bacon Prophet', 'Institutionalized Thought Leader' and 'Funkmaster General'.

Worshippers can get their own 'bacon wedding' for free and the website also advertises funerals and baptisms.

Black Cat 2

Polish Wonder: Rademenes, the nurse cat who comforts sick animals

© YouTube/Cool Panda
Rademenes, the 'nurse cat' lends a paw to veterinarians at Polish animal shelter in Bydgoszczy.
Black cats are usually considered unlucky, especially when they are crossing someone's path, which in some countries, including Russia, is a bad omen; however, this Polish feline is one-of-a-kind: he is a full-time nurse to the ailing inhabitants of a veterinary center and a true symbol of the clinic.

Rademenes was brought to a veterinary clinic in Bydgoszcz, Poland with one purpose — to end his suffering, Izabella Szolginia, the director of the center told Sputnik.

He was in such bad shape that the staff at the shelter would not let him near the other animals.

But when veterinarian Krystyna Kuziel-Zawalich took him in her arms and heard him purr, she decided to help him fight for his life.

It took him half a year to come back to life, Szolginia says. However, after a while the personnel noticed something unusual in his behavior.

The staff were amazed to watch him lying with the shelter's furry patients. He paid particularly close attention to those which were recovering from surgery.
© YouTube/Cool Panda
It seemed that Rademenes took it upon himself to assume the role of a full-time nurse.

Brick Wall

It's a well aard-vark! Anteater stands up and refuses to move out of the way of Jeep


Try and pass if you dare
This aardvark lived up to its name when it rose up and puffed out its chest to confront an oncoming car.

The anteater bravely stepped out in front of the Jeep when it approached on a dirt track in Brazil.

Photographer Luciano Candisani said the animal was making itself look 'bigger' and 'stronger' after spotting the vehicle.

Mr Candisani, 44, was running a photography workshop at the time and was taking them through the Pantanal wetlands in Brazil.

The wildlife photographer said: 'It was very early in the morning. I was leading a photography workshop in Pantanal when the anteater entered the dirt road in front of our jeep and stopped in front of the car.


VIDEO: Turning tables on the Donald: Comedian George Lopez as Donaldo Trumpez

Donaldo Trumpez, an arrogant Mexican billionaire played by Mexican-American actor George Lopez, explains why Mexico should be building a wall to keep U.S. frat boys from crossing the border and to quash cartels who glean all their power from Americans' insatiable thirst for drugs.

The "Funny or Die" clip highlights how two can play the same racist game, and makes the point that before continuing with his bigoted bluster, Trump should stop to think about the other side of the coin (or wall, in this case).

Mr. Potato

Two Russian kindergartners plan "The Great Escape" to buy Jaguar sports car

© Valeriy Melnikov / RIA Novosti
Two 5-year-old Russian boys staged their own version of "The Great Escape" from a kindergarten in the Urals, using spades to dig a tunnel. Then, like Steve McQueen in the classic WWII movie, they went to get some getaway wheels: a Jaguar sports car.

The boys mysteriously disappeared while on a supervised group walk in their hometown of Magnitogorsk, Komsomolskaya Pravda Newspaper reported.

Then the two walked for 2 kilometers to a car showroom, and told a female driver nearby that they were going to buy a Jaguar. The only hole in their escape plan? They didn't have any money.

The woman put the boys in her car, and took the mischievous duo to the police.


The CDC's unintentionally hilarious guide to the zombie apocalypse

Last month I had the opportunity to write about some of the disaster preparedness checklists that are provided by different government agencies, and how woefully unprepared these checklists would leave you in a real disaster. While researching that article, I happened to stumble upon the CDC's zombie preparedness page.

Yes, you read that correctly. The CDC has dedicated time and tax dollars to preparing you for the zombie apocalypse. Of course, they don't actually believe that a zombie apocalypse will occur. This is more of a PR stunt, but half serious at the same time. The only thing I can compare it to, is when some parents try to come off as "hip and cool" to a younger generation, but wind up making an ass of themselves in the process.

The CDC is basically trying to make disaster preparedness exciting to a generation that is obsessed with the zombie apocalypse genre. They've even gone so far as to create a short comic book about zombies, which they littered with the same preparedness advice that they would give you to survive a hurricane. As you can imagine, it's both painful to read and hilarious at the same time. Let's take a look shall we?


Putin did it again! 'Russians shot down UFO over Iran ahead of Blood Moon apocalypse'

© Youtube
An explosion reported over the skies of Iran was actually an ALIEN UFO blasted on the orders of Russian leader Vladimir Putin, conspiracists have crazily claimed.

The outlandish allegation has been made among a string of bizarre theories that the world is going to end in late September - either as a result of ferocious earthquakes brought about by a 'Blood Moon' event on September 28, or due to a huge asteroid strike anytime from September 23 onwards.

Despite NASA publicly denying that an asteroid could strike Earth any time this century, conspiracy theorists remain undeterred.

Comment: Seriously, with "conspiracists" like this, who need debunkers? Anti-Putin propaganda now has reached another, shell we say, extraterrestrial level, granting Putin powers beyond this planet. Controlling bird formations simply isn't enough anymore.


Alleged Florida gang member attempts to flee police due to aversion to 'weird' white people

A wonderfully quotable Florida gang member who tried to run from a cop after being found with marijuana explained that, "I don't like white people touching me, white people do weird stuff."

Officer Joseph May was at a Clearwater gas station early Tuesday morning when he was approached by Taurus Jabriel Brown, whom the cop recognized as "a gang member from the community I work in," according to a police report.

Brown, 19, told May that he "would like to be a police officer one day." The teen then shook hands with the cop, who noticed a marijuana blunt tucked behind Brown's ear.

"Is this weed?" May asked. "How stupid are you?"

After being asked to place his hands behind his back, Brown reportedly "tensed, pulled away, and attempted to run out of the front door." He did not get far, thanks to a takedown move executed by the Clearwater Police Department patrolman.

"Damn, man, all this for weed. Wow, bro, you must want to make an arrest," said Brown, who added, "I'll plead guilty, I'll go to court and plead guilty, please don't take me to jail. Can you tell the judge I plead guilty?"

When Officer May asked Brown why he tried to flee, the teen replied, "I don't like white people touching me, white people do weird stuff."


Still no sign of beheading infidels and raping girls bit in world's oldest Koran

Experts researching an old manuscript of the Koran that was found buried away in a Birmingham library said they still haven't found the bit about beheading infidels and raping young girls.

Scholars have claimed that the ancient artefact could prove that such acts may not be Islamic and that recent atrocities carried out by groups such as ISIS and the Taliban may actually be illegal under the good book's law.

"We've been here for weeks searching this beautiful manuscript and there is nothing in any of the scripts relating to harming other people, regardless of their beliefs," said Professor of Christianity and Islam, David Thomas, of the University of Birmingham.

"In fact, the only thing close to it is in passage 5:33, it reads: 'the taking of one innocent life is like taking all of Mankind... and the saving of one life is like saving all of Mankind'. Which is totally contradictory to what is being done in many Middle East countries."

Recent carbon dating revealed last month that the script etched on animal skin was at least 1,370 years old, potentially making it the oldest partial copy of the Koran in the world.

"Yeah, it would be safe to say this copy would be as close to the original as possible so I don't know where they're getting the beheadings and raping bit from," concluded Prof. Thomas. "It's like someone just made it up to benefit their own thirst for greed and violence; much like the Vatican did over the years, but not as bad. No one is that bad".


Wag the dog: Kentucky dog mayor making plans for presidential run

Lucy Lou, the dog mayor of Rabbit Hash, Kentucky is set to retire Labor Day weekend - but not from politics. Her owner and chief of staff said the border collie is expected to announce a bid for the presidency.

Bobbi Kayser, Lucy's owner, told The Kentucky Enquirer that after serving for seven years, the dog will retire as mayor on September 5 and announce her political ambitions for the White House

"Somebody up the road decided most politicians are dogs anyway," Kayser told the Enquirer. "Why not put a real dog in office?"

Comment: Barking mad or what. The US Presidential race really is descending into farce. The Donald, McCubbins, Deez Nuts and now Lucy Lou.....