Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Einstein

Man shoots himself in arm after being denied sex

FORT MYERS, Florida - Authorities say a Fort Myers man shot himself in the arm after his girlfriend refused to have sex with him. The Lee County Sheriff's Office reported that a 29-year-old man and his girlfriend returned home from a bar early Wednesday morning.

Mr. Potato

Couric to Palin: Do You Know We're Recording This?

Several times during her exclusive interview with Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin, CBS Evening News anchor Katie Couric asked Palin whether or not she was aware that the interviews were being taped, and that "other people would see them." Palin reportedly told Couric that she was indeed aware, but then asked Couric what she meant by "broadcast."

Mail

McCain Talk: a "letter of support"

This "support letter" has been posted on McCain Talk, "An Unofficial Forum for Supporters of John McCain for President". It is a great joke at the expense of McCain campaign... at least we hope it was meant that way.

Footprints

UK: High heel injuries 'cost £29m a year'

Injuries to feet from wearing high heels cost the nation £29m a year to put right, according to figures out today. Operations and medical procedures to correct damaged feet can cost sufferers thousands of pounds a time, the report says.

Frog

UK: A 999 rescue for Woody, the iguana that branched out

Iguana Branch
Stick insect: The offending branch which was mistaken for an iguana
Cats are their stock in trade. But when firemen were summoned to rescue an iguana stuck up a tree, they responded with a due sense of gravity. After a call from the RSPCA, alerted by members of the public, fire officers dispatched an animal rescue expert and an aerial platform to the scene at Cove, near Farnborough, Hampshire. It wasn't until their expert was 25ft up that they realised they were victims of an illusion of nature. The 'iguana' was no more than a broken algae-covered branch.

Cheeseburger

12-Year Old McDonald's Hamburger, Still Looking Good

Ancient Burger
© Karen Hanrahan
The McDonald's hamburger on the right is from 2008; the one on the left is from 1996. And they both look fairly edible.

Wellness educator and nutrition consultant Karen Hanrahan has kept a McDonald's hamburger since 1996 to illustrate its nonexistent ability to decay. Aside from drying out and bit and having "the oddest smell," it apparently hasn't changed much in the past 12 years.

X

Iowa man faces charges after hugging officer

The man allegedly embraced the officer after being told to 'get away'

A hug has landed an Iowa City man in hot water. An Iowa City man who thought a police officer just "needed a hug" faces several charges including assault on a peace officer and public intoxication.

Bizarro Earth

US: Oregon hospital tells grandfather he's pregnant; clerical error blamed

A patient treated for agonizing abdominal pain received some surprising news in paperwork issued by an Oregon hospital.

It read: "Based on your visit today, we know you are pregnant." Surprising indeed for 71-year-old John Grady Pippen.

Smiley

Satire? Transcript Of Palin - Couric Interview

Katie Couric - Thank you for being here, Governor Palin.

Sarah Palin - I'm all about being here.

Katie Couric - Are you and John McCain in favor of this $700 billion bailout?

Sarah Palin - I'm totally in favor of supporting the troops. My son is a troop.

Katie Couric - Right. But I'm asking about the bailout proposal for Wall Street.

Sarah Palin - You sure are. You betcha.

Katie Couric - So are you in favor of it?

Smiley

Image of Virgin Mary Found In Sarah Palin's Bouffant



Image
©Unknown
Palin with image of the Blessed Mother just above the bangs

During a campaign appearance by Vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin at a retirement village in Tampa, Florida, onlookers were stunned to see what they believed to be an image of the Blessed Mother Mary embedded in Palin's wrapped puffed-up do.

"At first I thought it was just one of those Love Bugs y'get caught in the car grill, " said 82-year-old Hubert Henry. "But then it started glowin' like the baby Jesus I seen last year in the window at the Stuckey's just of Route 1 in Hulmville. Damn miracle, I tellya."

Comment: Praaaaayze geeeeezus!