Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Smiley

Jewel thieves robbed of takings

Two men who held up a jewellery store in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, were themselves robbed as they made their getaway, US police say.

A second pair of robbers pounced on their haul of cash and gems in the street outside, sparking a fight followed by a car chase.

Police pulled over both vehicles and arrested four men, all from Illinois.

Crusader

Bill Would Allow Texas School to Grant Master's Degree in Science for Creationism

A Texas legislator is waging a war of biblical proportions against the science and education communities in the Lone Star State as he fights for a bill that would allow a private school that teaches creationism to grant a Master of Science degree in the subject.

State Rep. Leo Berman (R-Tyler) proposed House Bill 2800 when he learned that The Institute for Creation Research (ICR), a private institution that specializes in the education and research of biblical creationism, was not able to receive a certificate of authority from Texas' Higher Education Coordinating Board to grant Master of Science degrees.

Berman's bill would allow private, non-profit educational institutions to be exempt from the board's authority.

"If you don't take any federal funds, if you don't take any state funds, you can do a lot more than some business that does take state funding or federal funding," Berman says. "Why should you be regulated if you don't take any state or federal funding?"

Document

Councils get banned jargon list

Churchill - BBC
Winston Churchill is an example to council workers, campaigners say
Council leaders have compiled a banned list of the 200 worst uses of jargon, with "predictors of beaconicity" and "taxonomy" among the worst horrors.

The Local Government Association says such words and phrases must be avoided for staff to "communicate effectively".

Cliches such as "level playing field" and inscrutable terms like "re-baselining" have been prohibited.

LGA chairman Margaret Eaton said: "The public sector must not hide behind impenetrable jargon and phrases."

Local and central government are often criticised for their use of language.

'Coterminous, stakeholder engagement'

The LGA's list includes suggested translations of some terms, such as "measuring" for the civil servant's favourite "benchmarking", "idea" for "seedbed", "delay" for "slippage" and "buy" for "procure".

For most, though, no explanation is forthcoming or, perhaps, possible.

Town hall workers are urged not to use the words "mainstreaming", "holistic", "contestability" and "synergies".

Magic Wand

Secrets of the Wizard of Oz

Image
The 1939 film is the most famous evocation of the story
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz is one of the world's best-loved fairytales. As Judy Garland's famous film nears its 70th birthday, how much do its followers know about the story's use as an economic parable?

Dorothy in Kansas conjures up nostalgic thoughts of childhood Christmases hiding behind the sofa from the Wicked Witch of the West. Or those flying monkeys.

It's unlikely its young fans will have been thinking about deflation and monetary policy.

But the story has underlying economic and political references that make it a popular tool for teaching university and high school students - mainly in the United States but also in the UK - about the economic depression of the late 19th Century.

At a time when some economists fear an onset of deflation, and economic certainties melt away like a drenched wicked witch, what can be learnt from Oz?

The 1939 film starring a young Judy Garland was based on Lyman Frank Baum's book, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, published in 1900. It told of an orphaned Kansas girl swept by a tornado into a fantastical world, but who wants to return home to her aunt and uncle.

Thinking the great Wizard of Oz can grant her wish, she sets out to meet him with her beloved dog, Toto, joined by a scarecrow, a tin woodman and a lion.

Baum published the book in 1900, just after the US emerged from a period of deflation and depression. Prices had fallen by about 22% over the previous 16 years, causing huge debt.

Comment: Although there are other meaningful interpretations, this one is rather timely.


Grey Alien

Crisis hits moon sales


The global recession has already hit property prices around the world, but the latest real estate victim is proving the crisis to be extraterrestrial too.

Sales of land on the moon, Venus and Mars in January and February were close to zero, say officials at the Lunar Embassy in Prague.

To boost sales, the embassy has cut prices down by 20 percent.

Blackbox

Who You Gonna Call? Ghostbusting Gadget Launched

Image
The 'real' Ghostbusters are more likely to catch a spook than a new ghost killing gadget from Thailand.
A Thai company reckons it's invented a machine to get rid of unwanted ghosts.

The wannabe Ghostbusters at Super Boondee are advertising the Trisaksri Ghost Repellent, a device that they claim will get rid of evil spirits, leaving only nice ones, with special Wave Killer technology.

Stormtrooper

Swiss spider-smuggler seized on German border

Spider_01
© 2009 AFPMan trying to smuggle 164 trap-door spiders is caught by German custom police
German customs officials inspecting a Swiss car got a nasty shock when they discovered 164 large spiders and 45 boxes of cockroaches -- the arachnids' food for the journey, a spokesman said Monday.

The trap-door spiders, most "as big as a fist", were found wriggling around in boxes and plastic bags, Markus Ueckert, a spokesman for the customs office in the south-western German city of Loerrach said.

Sheeple

French island gripped by 'Christ face' on church cushion

Jesus Face Cushion
© 2009 AFP
Thousands flocked to a Roman Catholic church on the French Indian Ocean island of Reunion Saturday after believers said they saw the "face of Christ" in the pleats of a church cushion.

Church officials limited access to the Jesus-Misericordieux church in eastern Saint-Andre's Cambuston district to a few minutes per visitor as traffic in the area ground to a halt.

Believers and curious onlookers pulled out cameras to take pictures of the cushion attached to the priest's chair.

Book

Classic gags discovered in ancient Roman joke book

We may admire the satires of Horace and Lucilius, but the ancient Romans haven't hitherto been thought of as masters of the one-liner. This could be about to change, however, after the discovery of a classical joke book.

Celebrated classics professor Mary Beard has brought to light a volume more than 1,600 years old, which she says shows the Romans not to be the "pompous, bridge-building toga wearers" they're often seen as, but rather a race ready to laugh at themselves.

Written in Greek, Philogelos, or The Laughter Lover, dates to the third or fourth century AD, and contains some 260 jokes which Beard said are "very similar" to the jokes we have today, although peopled with different stereotypes - the "egghead", or absent-minded professor, is a particular figure of fun, along with the eunuch, and people with hernias or bad breath.

"They're also poking fun at certain types of foreigners - people from Abdera, a city in Thrace, were very, very stupid, almost as stupid as [they thought] eggheads [were]," said Beard.

An ancient version of Monty Python's dead parrot sketch sees a man buy a slave, who dies shortly afterwards. When he complains to the seller, he is told: "He didn't die when I owned him."

Sun

Lights cause injuries at Scottish pub

Tanning Tubes
Workers and customers of a Scottish pub said they suffered sunstroke and other ailments after a manager installed light bulbs from a tanning machine.

Locals said manager Emma McLean at The Pub In The Square in Buckie, Scotland, mistakenly used high-powered ultraviolet tubes when she replaced the blue strip lights behind the bar, The Daily Record reported Friday.

Morgan Smith, a bartender, suffered sever burns to his neck as a result of exposure to the lights, his sister said.