Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Smiley

Satire: Heroin Addicts Pressure President To Stay Course In Afghanistan

Los Angeles - As the White House considers sweeping strategic shifts in the war in Afghanistan, heroin addicts across the nation called on President Obama Monday to stick with the current U.S. policy, which has flooded the world market with low-price narcotics.

Smiley

Illinois: Rogue Elf Decorates Family's Apartment

It's a scenario of some residents' dreams: After returning home from a weekend getaway they find that someone has decorated their place for the holidays.

But it wasn't a dream for a Herscher family who came home to that very situation Monday, and police now are investigating the case as a crime.

The woman and her children left their apartment after 1 p.m. Saturday in the 600 block of East Second Street, and when they returned Monday morning they found a host of holiday decorations and lights had been put up, Herscher Police Chief Rick Gilbert said Tuesday.

Palette

Herman Van Rompuy's Greatest Hits

For the Wall Street Journal Europe I've written an analysis of the election race (can we call it that?) for the post of president of the European council. The man leading the way according to bookmakers is Prime Minister Herman Van Rompuy of Belgium. It has been widely reported that in his spare time he likes to write poetry, or compose haikus. Herman has been derided widely for this but I think it's unfair. They're rather good.

Here are the two best in case you missed them:

Family

Mississippi: Toddler, 2, Helps Mom Give Birth to Brother

A 2-year-old in north Mississippi has done something few toddlers can: he helped his mother give birth to his brother.

Bobbye Favazza told The Commercial Appeal she went into labor this past Friday and gave birth on the family's living room couch in Olive Branch. She said her toddler, Jeremiha Taylor, got her a towel and caught the baby before firefighters arrived to cut the umbilical cord.

Favazza gave birth to a 7-pound, 4-ounce baby boy, Kamron Taylor.

City emergency services supervisor, Greg Mynatt, said the 911 call about Favazza was probably the third this year about a woman in labor, but usually the mother makes it to the hospital before delivery.

Mr. Potato

Minneapolis: Dad Spoke Only Klingon to Child for Three Years

Image
© Official Star Wars BlogThis is not d'Armond Speers
Is this taking the whole Star Trek thing a teensie weensie bit too far? d'Armond Speers spoke only Klingon to his child for the first three years of its life.

Klingon? Not Spanish, French, Mandarin? Not some gutteral genuflecting concoction from the deepest recesses of Borneo? Klingon? You heard it right. (And if you don't know about the Klingon Empire, look it up.)

"I was interested in the question of whether my son, going through his first language acquisition process, would acquire it like any human language," Speers told the Minnesota Daily. "He was definitely starting to learn it."

And get this, Speers says he isn't really a huge Star Trek fan.

We'll take his word for it.

Syringe

Eye on the Flu Shot from Royal Canadian Airfarce


People

Texans: Are you really married?

Maybe not.

Barbara Ann Radnofsky, a Houston lawyer and Democratic candidate for attorney general, says that a 22-word clause in a 2005 constitutional amendment designed to ban gay marriages erroneously endangers the legal status of all marriages in the state.

The amendment, approved by the Legislature and overwhelmingly ratified by voters, declares that "marriage in this state shall consist only of the union of one man and one woman." But the troublemaking phrase, as Radnofsky sees it, is Subsection B, which declares:

"This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage."

Mr. Potato

Palin says Glenn Beck 'clever,' won't rule out Palin-Beck ticket

sarah palin
© na

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, asked whether she'd campaign with Fox News' personality Glenn Beck as her running mate, chuckled, but according to a conservative website, "wouldn't rule it out."

"It's no secret that former GOP vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin and Fox News host Glenn Beck share great respect and admiration -- so their fans can be forgiven for wondering: Is a 'dream ticket' of Palin-Beck ticket is completely out of the question?" Newsmax's David Patten wrote Tuesday night.

"Perhaps not," he added.

"Palin initially chuckled when Newsmax broached the idea," he continued. "But then she had some serious words of praise for the popular Fox personality."

"I can envision a couple of different combinations, if ever I were to be in a position to really even seriously consider running for anything in the future, and I'm not there yet," Palin reportedly told Newsmax. "But Glenn Beck I have great respect for. He's a hoot. He gets his message across in such a clever way. And he's so bold - I have to respect that. He calls it like he sees it, and he's very, very, very effective."

Mr. Potato

Robbers Heat Up Bottle for Crying Baby

Several family members were tied up with duct tape

Police are looking for two suspects who managed to heat up a bottle for a crying baby while robbing a home Friday morning.

Indianapolis Metro Police Department detectives said two suspects forced their way into a home just after 8:30 a.m. Friday morning with intentions to rob the family.

Police said two men came up to the home, in the 6100 block of East 21st Street, asking for jumper cables for a broken down car. They left, then later came back to the home and knocked on the door. That's when police said one of the suspects pulled out a shotgun and forced their way into the home, tying up two adults and a teenager.

One of the robbers hit one of the adults over the head with a gun.

"Then he hit me again over the head and that was it," said Morgan Adams. "It was lights out. I woke up to my buddy untying me."

Police said the robbers started ransacking the house. Then, the baby in the house made his presence known.

Magic Wand

A New Prophet: NASA Says World Will Not End In 2012

NASA has launched an investigation in its efforts to prove that world will not come to an end on December 21, 2012, despite the claims of many Internet theorists.


Comment: Frankly speaking, no official body or institution in the position of authority can guarantee anything like that will or will not happen at any given moment, like in 3 years. That's just illogical!


The theory states that world will come to an end, based on deductions from the Mayan calendar, as a mysterious planet, Nibiru, collides with Earth.

The claims have fueled a Sony Picture, titled "2012," which will come to theaters on Friday.

Some Internet theorists have blamed NASA for keeping information concealed about the Earth's doomsday.

"There is no factual basis for these claims," NASA said on its Web site.


Comment: Could you please prove it?


Comment: Did NASA ever hear about comets? They pretend that they didn't. Or they just forgot. Or they are so sure that people will buy any rubbish, no matter how ridiculous and illogical, that they are not afraid of releasing such a pure caricature of propaganda as the one above.