Don't Panic! Lighten Up!


Satire: Two pigs dressed as a doctor the source of bacon cancer study

The World Health Organisation has retracted a study that revealed a connection between bowel cancer and bacon after an alert staff member discovered that the doctor presenting the results was actually two pigs dressed up in a long white lab coat.

"The presentation he gave was certainly impressive with lots of graphs and pie charts," said Dr Hermione Trotter, head of ontological research at WHO. "No-one questioned his credentials because he had a stethoscope around his neck. We were on the verge of recommending a world wide ban on bacon and sausages when one of our secretaries noticed something out of the ordinary."



Mind warp power! Former UK Councilor stops the Illuminati from using the Large Hadron Collider to destroy us all

Here's a headline you just can't make up. (Or, at least, we didn't.)

Former UK Town Councilor Simon Parkes is claiming that he thwarted an evil plan to use the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), the world's most powerful particle accelerator, at CERN to destroy all life on the planet. The nefarious plot was cooked up by, you guessed it, the Illuminati.


New WHO study: Consumption of 'Super-food' kale can cause extreme arrogance

The World Health Organisation (WHO) has released a new report today warning that consumption of the 'super-food' kale over a period of time can lead consumers to have heightened levels of arrogance.

The study was conducted in several cafes in Sydney's beach-side suburb of Bondi and also its inner-city suburb of Newton where kale consumption is almost at epidemic levels.

A spokesperson for the WHO told The (un)Australian: "These findings though alarming are not surprising, I mean we've all been at a dinner party and had to endure the whining of a vegetarian or worse a vegan, talking about how superior they are to us carnivores.

"Until recently they merely whined, now with the introduction of kale and to a lesser extent quinoa their whining is now more boastful and confrontational."

Minister for Agriculture Barnaby Joyce is currently considering legislation to confront the kale epidemic and has not ruled out making the consumption of red meat compulsory for all Australians.

Upon hearing of the news of compulsory red meat consumption, a number of petitions appeared on the website calling for kale to replace the Australian flag.


Dia de los Muertos, Celebrating the Day of the Dead


The Day of the Dead - Diego Rivera
Series in which food writer and presenter Stefan Gates immerses himself in some of the most extraordinary feasts and festivals on earth. By joining ordinary people in these strange and wonderful distillations of their culture and beliefs, he hopes to gain a revelatory insight into how the world thinks and feels.

Stefan goes on a wild emotional and spiritual rollercoaster ride, starting with a teenage girl's bizarre coming-of-age ceremony and ending with the Day of the Dead, a cacophonous cross-cultural festival of the senses during which Mexicans truly believe that their loved ones come back from the dead for three days every year to spend the day with them.

In Oaxaca, he is dressed up as a dead woman and made to dance like a lunatic at the head of a procession as it makes its way through town. He is turned into an emotional wreck at the moment the dead return, bursting into tears as Dias de los Muertos makes him experience grief and loss for the first time.

But then in the next breath, the family Stefan is living with teach him to celebrate and laugh at death. They turn his views on their head, allowing him to embrace and conquer his fear of death through an extraordinary sensual onslaught of food, flowers, songs and smells. The sight of the graveyards overflowing with flowers and mescal-drinking revellers is a truly life-changing experience.

Comment: Don't panic! Lighten up!


Stephen Colbert on CNBC's republican debate: The biggest loser was everyone

If you missed CNBC's Republican presidential debate on Wednesday, Stephen Colbert says you didn't miss out on much.

"In some ways, it was impressive," Colbert said on his late-night show. "It managed to thread the needle between confusing and boring."

The biggest problem, according to Colbert? The moderators. Not only were they needlessly rude and antagonistic, he said, but at times they seemed woefully unprepared: At one point, moderator Becky Quick asked Donald Trump why she thought he had criticized Mark Zuckerberg on immigration after the billionaire denied it. (As Quick later noted, it was on Trump's campaign website.)


'Einstein' the goldfish receives life preserver for swimming

© Leighton Taylor
When four-year-old Einstein developed a "swim bladder" infection, his compassionate caretaker rigged him a neat device to stay afloat.

Similar to the kitten who received a 3D printed wheelchair, this tiny goldfish with a lifejacket is beyond adorable.

When Einstein, the cute fish seen in the video above, got a "swim bladder" infection, he could barely wriggle about.
Rather than give him the big flush, his owner, Leighton Naylor, got innovative and designed him an underwater "life jacket" from recycled tubing.

Naylor and Einstein have a close bond, so it makes sense neither were willing to give up when faced with a challenge. Einstein is actually trained to perform tricks when directed, and can do things such as swim through hoops.

The compassionate innovator is not the first individual to build such a contraption: other people have made mobility devices for their aquatic friends using materials like cork and tubing. However, no act of kindness is ever too small, and this pleasing success is definitely worth celebrating.
"People can be dismissive of goldfish as pets," Naylor, who resides in Blackpool, England told "But they are intelligent animals, as Einstein proves."
Four-year-old Einstein seems quite pleased with his new rig and is "one happy fish," as his caretaker comments. Never doubt the genius of these creatures; after all, goldfish have an attention span one second longer than most humans.


Bad lip reading of the debates

The potential Republican candidates weigh in on a variety of issues.

Democratic hopefuls discuss the important issues of our day.

Comment: That's about the size of it. These candidates really can't be taken seriously.


Sporty deer scores the goal!

You gotta see this to believe it.

© Screen Capture Youtube

A sporty deer stole the attention of kids' soccer fans when he showed up out of the blue and ran onto the field. In the middle of the video you can actually see him score, amusing the little players and their parents who came see the game, but got a brush with wildlife as a bonus.

Cell Phone

A rant about constant connectivity

I don't have a smartphone. I am aware that this puts me in an ever-shrinking demographic (when I got my most recent phone, a model so simple that its most advanced feature is a slide-out keyboard, the person helping me called over two of her co-workers because none of them had seen it before), and there are certainly annoyances I put up with to maintain that status: When I'm heading somewhere unfamiliar I have to plan my journey out in advance. I always need to remind people that if they're going to be late or they need to cancel plans they have to text me because I can't get email. I spend a lot of time standing on line thinking about things instead of calming myself with crushable candy or whatever. (This is perhaps the hardest part of refusing to enter our mobile world; there is almost no one who needs protection from being alone with his thoughts more than I do.) And yet I persist, because I refuse to become a hostage to the web. I refuse to be always available. I refuse to forget that most of life is boredom and discomfort with no easy recourse to distraction.


Mr. Potato

Netanyahu: 'Palestinians killed the dinosaurs'

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu claimed today that Palestinians were responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs.

In an interview with CNN's Anderson Cooper this morning, the hardline conservative leader was asked to defend his recent comments, in which he claimed Palestinians were responsible for the Holocaust.

"Well it wouldn't be the first time they tried to drive a group to extinction," Netanyahu told the network. "The Holocaust, the Armenian genocide, Rwanda. Even the end of the Dinosaurs. Whenever a group is threatened with annihilation, you better believe the Palestinians are behind it."

A puzzled Anderson Cooper pressed Netanyahu on his most outrageous claim, asking "I doubt Palestinians were involved in any of those things. But do you seriously believe they killed the Dinosaurs? Human beings didn't even exist 65 million years ago. And most scientists believe the Dinosaurs were killed by an asteroid. I mean, how is that even possible?"