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Rainbow

Awwww! Chris Pratt wears his Star-Lord outfit for a bunch of hospitalized kids

© Twitter
If you're weary of the internet's non-stop Chris Pratt lovefest, you'll find no solace this week. Pratt once again proved himself in the role of Male Jennifer Lawrence when he visited a children's hospital Wednesday, wearing his Star-Lord outfit from Guardians of the Galaxy.

Here's another photo of cool, nice guy Chris Pratt being cool and nice at Children's Hospital Los Angeles:

Further proof that Chris Pratt is the best (thank you kindly for the photo, @Reddit user angelkirie)pic.twitter.com/DZToPMFsfe
- HuffPost Celebrity (@HuffPostCeleb) August 21, 2014
Robot

Canadian hitchhiking robot travels 6,000 kilometers without being murdered

On July 27, a brave robot named hitchBOT bid goodbye to its creators on the shoulder of a highway in Halifax, Nova Scotia. With limbs made from pool noodles, a beer-cooler body, and legs clad in Wellington rain boots, this adorable hodgepodge of a robot was ready to embark on the adventure of a lifetime. It raised its best hitchhiker's thumb, and waited to be picked up by its first benefactor in its 6,000-kilometer road trip across Canada.

When hitchBot set off, we at Motherboard worried that the trooper might meet a tragic end (and we weren't the only ones). But fortunately, our fears were groundless. Over the weekend, hitchBOT arrived at its final destination in Victoria, BC, intact and thriving after meeting dozens of new friends across the country.

Oscar

Joy Camp's Emmy Awards 2014: Outstanding psychopath of the year!

WARNING: SPOILER ALERT! Here's a leaked clip from the 66th Annual Emmy Awards, scheduled to air August 25th, 2014. Winner announced for Outstanding Psychopath of the year!

Road Cone

Canada: 'Pastafarian' fights to wear colander in B.C. driver's licence photo

Pastafarian
© CTV News
B.C.'s insurance bureau is denying a Pastafarian from wearing a kitchen accessory on his head in a government photo.
An unusual religious headwear battle has hit a boiling point in Surrey, B.C., where a "Pastafarian" is fighting for his right to wear a colander in his driver's licence photo.

Obi Canuel, who is an ordained minister in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, says the Insurance Corporation of B.C. is denying him the right to be able to wear the spaghetti strainer on his head.

The 36-year-old says he believed he would be able to wear the kitchen accessory when he renewed his licence last fall because ICBC affirms the right to religious expression.

But, the insurer disagreed. In a letter, they told him "there is no religious requirement that prohibits you from removing the colander for the purpose of taking the photo to appear on your driver's license."

ICBC said its religious head covering policy strive to strike a balance between respect for the driver's religious beliefs and a need to preserve the integrity of the licensing system.
Smiley

Vatican uncovers rare, long forgotten 11th commandment

Dead Sea Scrolls
© Waterford Whispers News
Reports from around the world have been suggesting for some weeks now that the Vatican had been withholding information on a newly discovered 11th commandment and now the Vatican have finally confirmed the news.

Spokesperson for the Vatican Furio Giunta was sheepish about the exact contents of the 11 commandment but did relay some information to awaiting media.

"Well it's quite long and detailed," explained Giunta, "and actually what astonished the Pope most is how relevant its teachings are in relation to the modern world, which is of course purely coincidental and not contrived in any way".
Smoking

Dr. Relic's sure-fire no-risk unequivocally-guaranteed method to completely eliminate the pain and stress of quitting smoking!

smokers for Jesus

Jesus hates a quitter
Programming is a powerful thing.

Everyone knows that smoking is bad for your health, right? They know this because their governments tell them so, and everybody knows that our governments only have the best interests of the people at heart, right? (roll eyes here)

With the relentless push towards GMO crops, toxic flouride in the drinking water, mandatory mercury-laden vaccines, chemical pollutants spewing into the atmosphere, herbicides and pesticides sprayed from here to kingdom come, it's a wonder anyone remains alive on planet earth!
Eye 1

My bloody legacy - Tony Blair: "No matter how many times I wash my hands.."

the daily squib

Tony Blair, Middle East 'peace' envoy

"Will all great Neptune’s ocean wash this blood clean from my hand? No, this my hand will rather the multitudinous seas incarnadine, making the green one red"
London - England - Former Prime Minister, Tony Blair has given a rare insight into his life, in which he bemoans the state of hand soap these days.

"No matter how many times I wash my hands daily I cannot seem to clean my hands. I have used pretty much every brand of soap from here to Kathmandu and still nothing works. Does anyone know of a soap manufacturer that makes proper soap any more?" a visibly angry Tony Blair said at a recent book signing event.

Mr Blair's long suffering wife, Cherie, has also remarked about the ongoing soap problem.

"I can't take it any more, which ever one of our mansions we go to, the stains are all over the walls, the carpets and bed sheets. The blood drips into your cornflakes in the morning, try putting sugar into your tea with blood dripping every where, we had the vicar around the other day. I keep telling Tony to wash his hands, he goes and does it then comes back even bloodier than before."

If anyone has a solution to Mr Blair's problem please send your answers on a postcard to : Tony Blair Blood on Hands Problem Comp, P.O. Box 666, Money Street, WC1 D62 The person with the best idea will get a bar of soap and a smack across the chops.
Bad Guys

'Humanity' marks WW1 anniversary with wars

http://palestinechronicle.com

Brave Israeli soldiers enjoying their WW1 anniversary party - off to slaughter more innocent Palestinian men, women and children in Gaza

Mankind has commemorated World War One with armed conflicts around the planet
.

From Eastern Europe and the Middle East to regions of Africa, humans marked the 100th anniversary of the first global conflict by shooting at each other.

A spokesman for humanity said: "If there's one lesson we must take from our past, it's that war is really good and always ends well. Any veteran will tell you that being in a war is pretty much the best thing they've done.

"Some cynics thought that traditional war motivators like religion and nationalism might fall away as we became more 'evolved' but I'm proud to say they are as popular as ever. And even better we've now got the planet's dwindling natural resources to fight about.

"Right now it feels like there's enough enthusiasm for war to keep it going for another hundred years or the end of civilization, whichever comes first."
Roses

Raju the crying elephant gets new home at Indian sanctuary after 50 years in captivity

Raju crying elephant

Raju bathes in the water with his new family at the Mathura, India sanctuary
After 50 brutal years of being used as a "beggar's prop," Raju finally has a family of his own.

The tortured elephant who made headlines in July for crying upon his release from captivity has joined five striking female pachyderms at his new home in India.

Tear-jerking video shows the gentle giant being welcomed to the Wildlife SOS's Elephant Conservation and Care Center refuge in Mathura by his new companions.

Raju - believed to have been snatched from his mom as a young calf and to have been traded among 27 owners over the course of five grueling decades - joined new pals Laxmi, Chanchal, Sai Geeta, Phoolkali and Maya the sanctuary.

The female pachyderms flapped their ears, trumpeted greetings and touched Raju with their trunks - all signs of joy.

His new family members, collectively dubbed the "Herd of Hope," were all rescued by the Wildlife SOS charity, which also saved Raju from a life of "hell" during a nighttime raid early July.
Snakes in Suits

David Cameron's next Muslim woman to be more stereotypical

the daily mash

The next Muslim woman appointed to the government will wear the veil and walk four steps behind the prime minister.


David Cameron said he was surprised at Baroness Warsi's resignation over the Israeli bombardment of Gaza, as he had not given her permission to speak, let alone write a letter.

A Downing Street spokesman said: "We desperately want a Muslim lady in the government - it's very now - but the next one will have to be full burkha.

"She can come to meetings and sit in the corner. If she disagrees with something she can always move her eyes quickly from side to side. Or perhaps she could do a little feminine cough."

The spokesman added: "We've asked the Saudis if they can recommend anyone. We could give them 10 per cent off a tank, or something."
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