Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Mr. Potato

'I pray lovely creature, comply!' 300-year-old stash of erotica found hidden in a UK manor house


The Daily Mail
Mon, 12 Apr 2010 03:48 UTC
A secret hoard of lewd pamphlets written to titillate the common man more than 300 years ago have been discovered in a manor house.

Known as Chapbooks the bodice-ripping yarns were found hidden in the library of Townend House at Troutbeck in the Lake District.

The pamphlets had been shoved behind a collection of straightforward books, presumably to hide them.

Chapbooks - the name derives from 'chapmen' the door-to-door peddlers who sold this type of literature - told racy tales of amorous advances, love and marriage.

The pamphlets were printed on cheap paper so thin that hardly any have survived the ravages of time.
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Radar

Women arrested in UK for taking corpse onto plane


The Columbus Dispatch
Fri, 09 Apr 2010 11:11 UTC
Police have arrested two women at an British airport after they reportedly tried to smuggle a corpse onto a flight.

Police said Tuesday the women were detained at Liverpool's John Lennon airport "on suspicion of failing to give notification of death" of a 91-year-old man.

The BBC and other British media reported that the women placed the man, a relative of theirs, into a wheelchair and covered his face with sunglasses in a bid to get him aboard a flight to Berlin.

The women, aged 41 and 66, were detained Saturday and have been released on bail. They have not been charged and police say inquiries are continuing.
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Stop

Vultures smack their beaks over car parts

Curtis Morgan
The Columbus Dispatch
Fri, 09 Apr 2010 02:50 UTC
Vultures in the Everglades - birds known primarily for dining on the dead and decaying - have developed an appetite for something unusual: Car parts.

Windshield wipers, door seals and - especially scrumptious - sunroof seals. Anything rubber, but vinyl will do, too.

The birds, mostly black vultures native to much of the Southeast, have trashed cars and trucks of visitors and the Everglades National Park staff, as well as the occasional boat at Flamingo, an outpost on Florida Bay. The park has received seven complaints and one lawsuit seeking $700 to cover repairs, but most damage goes unreported.

The problem isn't unique. Vultures across the country have munched on cars, roof shingles, pool screens and an array of stuff for reasons that biologists admit remain a mystery. The park has tried several anti-vulture schemes, yelling at birds, even dangling dead ones upside down - a scare-vulture that has worked well in many spots.
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Smiley

Motorist swerved into bus lane 'to avoid UFO'


Telegraph.co.uk
Fri, 09 Apr 2010 08:13 UTC
The man was given a £120 fine after being caught on camera veering into the bus lane to dodge a traffic queue.

But instead of paying up the driver claimed that he was 'forced' to swerve into the bus lane to avoid an alien spaceship which was 'hurtling towards him' in Southwark, south London.

He told parking appeals bosses that he would 'never normally' use a bus lane, but that he had to take 'avoidance action' to swerve the UFO.

Parking chiefs rejected his appeal, telling him the camera did not catch the UFO, and forced him to stump up the fine.

Other bizarre claims revealed by Southwark Council include a motorist who told them he wasn't liable for a parking fine because he was colour blind and thought a yellow line was blue.

He told parking appeals officials that because of his disability he had 'no idea' that parking was restricted.

Again, his appeal was rejected on the grounds that 'everybody knows not to park on double lines, regardless of colour'.
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Mr. Potato

Chopra Blames Own Meditation for Baja Quake


AOLNews
Fri, 09 Apr 2010 11:11 UTC
Deepak Chopra
© John Medina, WireImageDeepak Chopra: the world shaker!
The U.S. Geological Survey is blaming day-to-day seismological changes for Sunday's 7.2 earthquake along the U.S.-Mexico border. But Deepak Chopra, the famed alternative-medicine practitioner and transcendental meditation guru, is pretty sure he knows what really happened.

"Had a powerful meditation just now -- caused an earthquake in Southern California," Chopra wrote to his nearly 179,000 Twitter followers shortly after the quake.

And then, to clarify: "Was meditating on Shiva mantra & earth began to shake," he tweeted. "Sorry about that."
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Smiley

SOTT Focus: Satire: UK General Election 2010: first reality TV game show next week

Ignatious O'Reilly
Sott.net
Tue, 06 Apr 2010 12:42 UTC
ties
Different ties, different policies?
BBC, Sky and ITV revealed the schedule for the three eagerly-awaited live reality TV shows to be broadcast on British TV networks in the run up to the May 6th polling day. There is a vain hope of brainwashing the British public into believing that there is any discernible difference between the three main parties. It is also hoped that the shows will improve turnout among voters who increasingly cannot be bothered because of the medieval disproportionate voting system that means their votes don't count anyway.

Mr Brown, David Cameron and Nick Clegg will take part in three different reality TV show formats as they battle to try and show there is more difference between them than the colour of their ties.

The first reality show, hosted by Alastair Stewart, will be based on American weekly syndicated reality show 'Cheaters', a spokesman said.

The politicians are suspected of cheating on the general public on a wide range of issues from expense scandals to supporting wars they know are illegal. Investigations will be headed by the Ironic Cheaters Detective Agency and will involve a cameo appearance from Tony Blair. A short 10-minute version of the show called Cheaters: Yep, that's politicians for you will be available through on-demand.
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UFO

It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's Russia's "flying saucer"


RT
Sun, 04 Apr 2010 00:00 UTC
Locomoskayner
© locomosky.ru
Russia has launched a program to build a powerful, multi-purpose airship that will certainly cause many people on the ground to take notice.

The "Locomoskayner" airship takes to the air with nothing more than helium, but will also have special outfitted hot air cells to regulate its buoyancy, RIA Novosti news agency reported.
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Smiley

SOTT Focus: Satire: World Bank official says change "Trillion" to "Trololo" to Hide Extent of US National Debt

Ignatious O'Reilly
Sott.net
Fri, 02 Apr 2010 08:07 UTC
trololo
© unknownEdward Khil's song 'trololo' could become the new name for 'trillion'
A leading figure from the World Bank has called on the U.S. government to change the financial terminology used to report US National Debt, in order to cover-up just how large it really is.

Hans Timmer, who has a high-profile role as director of the bank's Take Over the World Group, said U.S. economic problems could be solved by a change in the name of Trillions to something more confusing and light-hearted to counter the increasing numbers of citizens who are waking up to the fact just how huge 14 Trillion dollars of debt actually is.

"The word Trillions used to be so unfathomably large to people that they really didn't understand just how close the US is to total financial collapse and hyperinflation. " he said. "But more and more people are understanding that trillions means it just isn't ever going to get paid off. By giving it a new name like 'trololo" it will make 14 trololo's of debt sound much less threatening."
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Smiley

Jordanian paper's April Fool's UFOs spark panic

Jamal Halaby
Associated Press
Mon, 05 Apr 2010 15:55 UTC
Amman - A Jordanian newspaper's April Fool's Day report chronicling a late-night visit by 10-foot-tall aliens in flying saucers sparked public panic and almost led to the town's emergency evacuation, officials said Monday.

The Al Ghad newspaper published a front-page article April 1 about the fake UFO landing near the desert town of Jafr, some 185 miles (300 kilometers) from the capital, Amman. The report said the UFOs lit up the whole town, interrupted communications and sent fearful residents streaming into the streets.

Jafr's mayor, Mohammed Mleihan, got caught up in the paper's prank and said he sent security authorities in search of the aliens.

"Students didn't go to school, their parents were frightened and I almost evacuated the town's 13,000 residents," Mleihan told The Associated Press. "People were scared that aliens would attack them."

A Jordanian security official, speaking on condition of anonymity in order to discuss security issues, said an emergency plan was almost enacted in Jafr.
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Penis Pump

Men are indeed pigs, book affirms

Joe Blundo
The Columbus Dispatch
Sun, 04 Apr 2010 02:58 UTC
Research on the male brain is never flattering to men.

It always turns out that we're violence-prone, sex-obsessed mammals barely one step more civilized than a vole.

Wait: Make that the male montane vole.

He's a little rascal whose promiscuous behavior might just exceed that of many humans, even NBA players.

On the other hand, his cousin, the male prairie vole, is monogamous for life - a distinction that many human males neither achieve nor aspire after.

I learned about boys and voles in The Male Brain, a new book that might shed some light on Tiger Woods, Jesse James (the celebrity husband and the outlaw) and the profitability of pornography.
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