Don't Panic! Lighten Up!


Monty Python reunion shows coming to London

Cult British comedy troupe Monty Python promised Monday their long-awaited reunion shows in London would feature scantily clad dancers and astrophysicist Stephen Hawking - alongside the inevitable dead parrot.

The five surviving members of the group - John Cleese, Michael Palin, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle and Terry Jones - open a 10-night residency at the O2 Arena on Tuesday, their first live performances together since 1980.

The £4.5 million ($7.7 million, 5.6 million euros) show will see classic sketches interspersed with big song and dance numbers - no mean undertaking for men in their seventies.

"I'm quite worn out even after the first number," Palin, 71, told reporters on the eve of the opening night.

Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger, who at 70 is still leaping about the stage, filmed a skit for the Pythons in which he feigned surprise that they were still going.

"I mean, who wants to see that again?... A bunch of wrinkly old men trying to relive their youth, and make a load of money," Jagger said, tongue firmly in cheek.

Obama seeks help: Moderate Syrian rebel application form

Moderate Syrian rebel application form
© RGA/REA/Redux.
After announcing, on Thursday, that it would seek $500 million to help "train and equip appropriately vetted elements of the moderate Syrian armed opposition," the White House today posted the following Moderate Syrian Rebel Application Form:

Welcome to the United States' Moderate Syrian Rebel Vetting Process. To see if you qualify for $500 million in American weapons, please choose an answer to the following questions:

As a Syrian rebel, I think the word or phrase that best describes me is:
A) Moderate
B) Very moderate
C) Crazy moderate
D) Other

I became a Syrian rebel because I believe in:
A) Truth
B) Justice
C) The American Way
D) Creating an Islamic caliphate

Comment: In case you were in doubt this is a satire!

What remains a fact is that Obama wants to arm Syrian rebels to the tune of $500 million, but only the moderate ones. And for this reason the U.S want to vet them. It is also a fact that the White House has been funding the terrorists fighting in Syria for years and that these terrorists now are creating chaos in Iraq. Chaos by design!


About time! Only Girls - A French all-female garage for women tired of getting ripped off

girls only garage
© Only Girls
'Only Girls' is a new garage designed to make women feel comfortable, especially those who are tired of being shortchanged by deceitful mechanics. It recently opened in the Saint-Ouen-l'Aumone suburb of northwestern Paris.

The garage opened just a month ago and it has already had around 40 customers, two-thirds of which were women. The concept of an all-female garage stands to be a big hit because Only Girls aims to offer women motorists exactly what they need - respect. Many women claim to have a tough time getting their cars fixed at regular garages, because mechanics do not take women seriously and quote higher prices than they would for male customers.

"When you're a woman, it's like you've got 'sucker' tattooed on your forehead," said Sandrine Hautenne, 42. "One time, I went round to three different garages, and got three different estimates. Since then, I've sent my uncle to get estimates and guess what? The prices have dropped!"

girls only garage
© Only Girls
Sandrine is now a regular at Only Girls, and she's quite delighted with their service. Right from the cam belt to brake pads, a female mechanic gave her a 15-minute run down on her car. "If it had been a man, he wouldn't have explained any of this to me," she remarked.

Only Girls provides a stress-free experience and a whole lot of entertainment options for women while they wait for their cars to get fixed. The waiting room is a far cry from traditional garages, done up in mauve wallpaper, hardwood floors, velvet sofas and flickering candles. They also have a children's playroom and a beauty corner where women can get their nails done. "They're so welcoming here," said 25-year-old Jennifer Collon.
2 + 2 = 4

Humans shocked they still haven't figured out alternative to letting power-hungry assholes decide everything


Billions worldwide agreed that, by this point in human civilization, they would have expected a better process than entrusting all their political, commercial, and social decisions to vindictive, self-absorbed ****ers.
Noting that it has had thousands of years to develop a more agreeable option, humankind expressed bewilderment this week that it has yet to devise a better alternative to governing itself than always letting power-hungry assholes run everything, sources worldwide reported.

Individuals in every country on earth voiced their frustration that, in spite of generations of mistreatment, neglect, and abuse they have suffered at the hands of those in positions of authority, they continue to allow control over the world's governments, businesses, and virtually every other type of organization and social group to fall to the most megalomaniacal pricks among them.

"We've all seen what this system leads to, so you'd think that by now, someone, somewhere would have sat down and thought up another way to keep our societies functioning without giving all the power to arrogant, amoral dicks whose only concern is improving their own status," said Mumbai software designer Ankan Rao, one of 7.1 billion humans who conveyed continued surprise that their species has so far proven incapable of formulating a method of governance that was even slightly more tolerable. "Everybody dislikes the people in charge and everybody knows they're only serving their own personal agendas at the expense of everyone else, but we just keep allowing these jerks to make our decisions time and time again. And it's not just here - it's everywhere in the world."

"Boy, maybe we shouldn't do that anymore," Rao added. "Anyone have any better ideas?"

Speaking with reporters, citizens across the planet unanimously expressed their bafflement at the consistency with which they either formally or informally select corrupt and self-obsessed sacks of shit for leadership roles in all facets of life, including positions atop corporate boards, judicial and legislative bodies, religious institutions, parent-teacher associations, the military, intramural softball teams, and international and national professional associations, as well as groups of friends deciding where to eat.

Comment: The Onion nails it. You know things are bad when satire isn't so much satire anymore, but cold hard reality.


French boy fakes kidnapping to avoid the dentist

© Shutterstock
Fear of the dentist can make people do strange things to avoid having their teeth checked including inventing a story that you have been kidnapped, as one boy in France did recently. Police spent a month investigating his tale.

The dentist is never the favourite place for children but some youngsters will go to greater lengths than others to avoid having to see one, it seems.

One 12-year-old boy in a village in the Alpine village St Gervais even went as far as telling police he had been kidnapped so he wouldn't have to see the tooth doctor, French paper Midi Libre reported.

The youngster was picked up by police, who spotted him hiding, as they patrolled through the village during the afternoon of May 21.

When quizzed by police the youngster immediately said he had been abducted from the nearby town of Bagnols.

Aloha, aliens: Landing pad for extra terrestrials in Hawaii

UFO Landing Pad
© barry-julie.blogspot
If all goes as planned, E.T. may soon be calling Puna home.

A UFO landing pad and star visitor sanctuary is set to be dedicated Friday on land accreted by the 1983 lava flow fronting Uncle Robert's Kawa Bar in Kalapana.

The 4 p.m. cleansing, purifying and dedication of an 80-foot diameter landing pad naturally formed by the lava on 500 new acres kicks off a three-day Native Hawaiian sustainability conference. The conference, which is being separately organized from the star visitor event, includes Hawaiian music and sessions on sustainability from a range of Hawaiian and non-Hawaiian speakers.

The Hawaii Star Visitor Sanctuary will be the second piece of land officially dedicated for the purpose of inviting extraterrestrial visitors to land and to promote peaceful relations with them, according to information provided by the Exopolitics Institute News Service.

The first landing pad was dedicated in 1967 in the city of St Paul in the Canadian province of Alberta, the news service said in a May 31 article.

"It's potentially controversial," acknowledged Garry Hoffeld, Big Island coordinator for the reinstated Kingdom of Hawaii and assistant to Hawaiian Nobel Robert Keliihoomalu, owner of Uncle Robert's. "It's potentially funny to some people, potentially stupid to some people."

"We're not crazy; we're open-minded," Hoffeld added.
Arrow Down

Comedian John Oliver on the decline of the American empire

After co-creating the political radio show Political Animal and becoming a regular guest on television's Mock the Week, John Oliver received a call to audition for The Daily Show in 2006. He was hired as The Daily Show's "senior British correspondent." In 2008, John Oliver: Terrible Times debuted on Comedy Central. The Daily Show's longtime host, Jon Stewart, took a hiatus from the show in the summer of 2013, during which time Oliver appeared as interim host. He plays a recurring character, Professor Ian Duncan, on the television series Community.


Redacted Tonight: Guns, Bitcoins, press freedom, Occupy, Redskins, & time-traveling Cheney

Team Redacted sends Dick Cheney back in time, gets rich off Bitcoins, defends the name "Redskins," sets a new date for the revolution, AND reveals how thousands of Americans were intentionally poisoned by the Federal Government.

Redacted Tonight with Lee Camp airs every Friday at 8pm EST on RT America and every episode can also be found on Also check out­ht and for new stuff.

Stock Down

Juice Rap News nails it again: The World Coup - THIEFA vs Brazil

THE WORLD COUP! [Juice Rap News S02:E06].

All eyes are on Brazil as it endures... errr.... *hosts* the 2014 soccer World Coup - the most watched sporting event on the planet. Join Robert Foster as he investigates why many Brazilians are protesting against THIEFA, the shady organisation that runs the World Cup, and the rather fascist policies it has introduced to their country "for the good of the game". But Brazil is not the only country to get shafted in this epic episode, which features exclusive interviews with captains of the strongest teams in the running for the notorious WORLD COUP. So, click play and find out why they really call it "The World Game."

Whom to arm to fight ISIS Iraqi militants?

Critics blast President Obama as a Syria-based militant group overruns key regions in Iraq.