Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Family

112-Year-Old Somali Centenarian Weds 17-Year-Old


Agence France-Presse
Thu, 29 Oct 2009 10:00 UTC
A man claiming to be 112 married a 17-year-old at a ceremony in central Somalia, his sixth wedding in total but his first in three quarters of a century, he said Thursday.

"My wife is ten times younger than me but we love each other so much and I believe that I can give her the kind of love that not any young man can offer," Ahmed Mohamed Dhore told AFP.

"Married life is about love and passion rather than age and beauty," said the centenarian, whose wedding ceremony in the town of Guriel was attended by hundreds on Wednesday.

"The first time I got married was so long ago I cannot remember and the last time must have been about 75 years ago, I was still a young man," he said.
Read More...
Smiley

'Dumb' American criminals attempt robbery with 'permanent marker pen disguises'

Andrew Hough
Independent.ie
Fri, 30 Oct 2009 11:52 UTC
Image
© UnknownMatthew Allan McNelly and Joey Lee Miller were caught in Iowa with permanent marker pen scrawled over their faces.
Two hapless robbers in America, Matthew McNelly and Joey Miller, have been arrested with the "worst disguises ever" after trying to hide their faces with permanent marker pen.

McNelly, 23, and Miller, 20 were arrested by armed police in Carroll, Iowa, last Friday after witnesses reported seeing two men trying to break into an apartment with fake beards and "masks" scrawled on their faces.

Police responding to a call about the attempted burglary later pulled over a car matching the alleged suspects' vehicle.

When they stopped their 1994 Buick Roadmaster, bewildered police discovered the drunk hapless pair - nicknamed "dumb and dumber" - complete with makeshift disguises.
Read More...
Play

Anti Terror Keystone Cops in Action!


YouTube
Thu, 29 Oct 2009 12:21 UTC
Read More...
Family

Alberta Girl, 5, Saves Mother's Life After Horrific Crash

Deborah Tetley
The Calgary Herald
Wed, 28 Oct 2009 17:00 UTC
Nikki Butler has always known her five-year-old daughter Mary was special. Now she's calling the little girl her hero.

Mary and Nikki Butler of Lundbreck, a hamlet west of Pincher Creek, were travelling through the Crowsnest Pass when the mother's truck hit a patch of black ice. It slid across the road, hit a guardrail and flipped four times down a steep embankment.

Once the vehicle came to a stop, the girl saw that her mother was bleeding from a gash on her forehead.

She had also lost consciousness.

Mary tried to wake her, but there was no response.
Read More...
Smiley

Satire, or is it? U.S. Continues Quagmire-Building Effort In Afghanistan


The Onion
Wed, 28 Oct 2009 14:09 UTC
Afghanistan
© The OnionHill by hill, U.S. forces tirelessly work toward the strategic goal of complete immobility.
Kabul, Afghanistan - According to sources at the Pentagon, American quagmire-building efforts continued apace in Afghanistan this week, as the geographically rugged, politically unstable region remained ungovernable, death tolls continued to rise, and the grim military campaign persisted as hopelessly as ever.

In fact, many government officials now believe that the United States and its allies could be as little as six months away from their ultimate goal: the total quagmirification of Afghanistan.
"We've spent a lot of time and money fostering the turmoil and despair necessary to make this a sustaining quagmire, and we're not going to stop now," President Barack Obama said in a national address Monday night. "It won't be easy, but with enough tactical errors on the ground, shortsighted political strategies, and continued ignorance of our vast cultural differences, we could have a horrific, full-fledged quagmire by 2012."
Read More...
Cowboy Hat

Surprised by Disaster

Fred Reed
Fred on Everything
Wed, 28 Oct 2009 07:51 UTC
In re Afghanistan, why, you might ask, is the world's hugest, expensivest, most begadgeted military unable to defeat a few thousand angry tribesmen armed with AKs and RPGs?

Easy: Character. The men running the war are mentally the wrong ones to do it.

Think about this for a moment. Suppose that your boss at the lab or law firm or newsroom demanded that, when he entered the room, you leapt spasmodically to your feet, stood rigidly erect with your feet at a forty-five degree angle like a congenitally deformed duck, and stared straight ahead until he gave you permission to relax. You would think, correctly, that he was crazy as a bedbug. If he then required reporters to stand in a square so he could inspect their belt buckles, you would either figure he was a gay blade or call for a struggle buggy and some big orderlies. This weird posturing is not normal, nor are those it appeals to.
Read More...
Mr. Potato

Michigan Man Claims He's Cockroach King


United Press International
Sun, 25 Oct 2009 16:36 UTC
A Michigan man says he expects Guinness World Records to award him the world record for fitting the most cockroaches in his mouth.

Sean Murphy of Lansing, whose age was not reported, said it likely will be weeks until he officially learns whether the 16 Madagascar hissing cockroaches he held in his mouth for 10 seconds will be recognized as a world record, the Lansing State Journal reported Sunday.

Murphy apparently broke the record of 11 cockroaches Friday night by holding 12 in his mouth for the mandated 10 seconds. Then he sought to extend his unofficial record to 16.

"I've never gotten it in one try so that was a big surprise," he said of his unusual feat.

Murphy told the State Journal his days of putting cockroaches in his mouth are not yet behind him.
Read More...
Mr. Potato

George W. Bush set to become motivational speaker

Tom Reid
The Telegraph
Sat, 24 Oct 2009 13:40 UTC
george bush

He left office with the US embroiled in two wars, a Great Recession and with his approval rating a toxic 22 per cent. So the next stage in his career is obvious. George W Bush - who last year inspired millions of people to vote Democrat - is about to become a highly-paid motivational speaker.

On Monday the former Republican President will appear as the headline speaker on the popular Get Motivated seminar programme, which describes itself as an "action-packed, fun-filled, explosive, exciting, inspiring, skill-building business event that is world famous for its mega-watt superstar speakers and spectacular stage production." He will appear again in San Antonio in December.

The Forth Worth event, in Mr Bush's home state of Texas, will also feature Colin Powell, the former Secretary of State, Rudy Giuliani, the former New York Mayor, and Rick Belluzzo, a former Microsoft executive.

The Get Motivated programme has been a huge business success, but the appearance of Mr Bush at a seminar about, among other things, "How to Master the Art of Effective Leadership" has produced guffaws.
Read More...
Smiley

US: For Alabama man, XXXXXXX license plate marks spot for ticket-magnet


San Francisco Chronicle
Fri, 16 Oct 2009 18:56 UTC
"Racer X's" vanity plate just does not compute in city computers - and it's helped him rack up about $19,000 in tickets in Birmingham, Ala.

Scottie Roberson bought a vanity plate with seven X's to pay homage to his racer nickname. But that causes a bit of a snafu when parking patrols put the plate into the system. Officials usually put seven X's in place of the number for cars without license plates.

Roberson said the mix-up has led him to get as many as 10 tickets in a day.
Read More...
Mr. Potato

Switzerland: Police Stop Driver for 15 Violations in 11 Minutes


The Associated Press
Mon, 19 Oct 2009 08:14 UTC
Authorities say an Italian man took reckless driving to new heights in 11 frantic minutes of traffic violations in eastern Switzerland.

They say they first spotted the 47-year-old driver as he sped his jeep past an unmarked police car at 160 kph (100 mph) in a rainstorm Sunday.

Driving dangerously close to other cars on the autobahn, he then allegedly ignored police attempts to pull him over - first with a stop sign, and then with flashing lights and sirens.

Police say the man drove through a construction zone at 140 kmh (87 mph), nearly twice the speed limit, before being stopped.

They seized the man's driver's license, and a judge ordered him tested for medications and illegal drugs.
Read More...