Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Sheeple

Irish Tricolours daubed on Protestant farmer's sheep

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© UnknownSerious and sheepish sectarian attack. Obviously the work of dyed in the wool republicans.
Six pregnant sheep belonging to a Protestant farmer from Co Tyrone have been daubed with Irish tricolours in an apparent sectarian attack.

The sheep had been left to graze in an isolated field near Ardboe when their coats were covered in green and orange paint to resemble a tricolour.

According to the farmer, who does not want to be identified, there has been an upsurge in sectarian attacks in recent weeks.

He said the ewes were pregnant and fears that some may lose their unborn lambs as a result of the stress they suffered during the incident.

Oscar

Sarah Palin victory and defeat speeches leaked

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© Unknown
Leaked copies of two speeches Sarah Palin prepared for last year's US election night have revealed she planned to salute her husband Todd as the nation's "first ever Second Dude" in the event of victory.

In defeat, which she suffered with Senator John McCain at the hands of Barack Obama and Joe Biden, the Republican vice-presidential candidate wanted to tell Todd to "get ready for the Iron Dog snow machine race!".

A new book, Sarah from Alaska, details how the then state governor fought tooth and nail to introduce Sen McCain on stage in his home town of Phoenix, Arizona, in the early hours of the morning.

She decided not to tell her own staff members that permission had been denied by senior McCain staff hours before the candidates took the stage, apparently in the hope of a last minute reprieve.

Smiley

Atlanta Man Rescues a Stray Dog from Traffic, But Ends Up with 10 Pooches

An Atlanta man who rescued one stray dog from traffic now has his hands full with 10 pooches.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported Thursday that Gary DeNicola rescued the dog in late September with plans to take it to a shelter the next day.

But it turns out the dog was pregnant and gave birth to nine puppies that night. Now DeNicola is running an animal shelter of sorts himself and he's looking for good homes for the dogs.

The Atlanta Humane Society said many shelters are facing overcrowding and aren't accepting any more animals.

Binoculars

Oklahoma: "You Hit a What?" SUV Nearly Slams into Elephant

Elephant
© AP Photo/Enid News & Eagle, Billy HeftonAn elephant that escaped from the Family Fun Circus at the Garfield County Fairgrounds after being spooked caused a vehicle accident Wednesday night.
It's not unusual to see a deer or a cow crossing Oklahoma's rural highways. But an elephant?

An Oklahoma couple driving home from church nearly slammed into a giant pachyderm that had escaped from a nearby circus late Wednesday.

"Didn't have time to hit the brakes. The elephant blended in with the road," driver Bill Carpenter said Thursday. "At the very last second I said 'elephant!'"

Carpenter, 68, said he swerved his SUV at the last second and ended up sideswiping the 29-year-old female Asian elephant on U.S. 81 in Enid, about 80 miles north of Oklahoma City.

"So help me Hanna, had I hit that elephant, not swerved, it would have knocked it off its legs, and it would have landed right on top of us," he said. "We'd have been history."

The couple, who own a wheat farm, weren't injured. But the 8-foot, 4,500-pound elephant was being examined Thursday for a broken tusk and a leg wound. A local veterinarian said it appeared to have escaped major injury.

"I thought this can't be happening. Out here you could hit a deer or a cow, but this can't be happening. The good Lord was with us," Carpenter said. The elephant's tusk punched through the side of the SUV, tearing up sheet metal.

Pumpkin

Tennessee Man Says Image of Jesus Appears on Truck Window

Jim Stevens
© AP Photo/Johnson City PressJim Stevens stands next to his truck that has an image of Jesus on the window Monday, Nov. 2, 2009 in Jonesborough, Tenn.
Jim Stevens said he's not particularly religious and is clueless about why an image resembling Jesus Christ keeps appearing on his pickup.

Stevens, of Jonesborough, said nearly every morning, an image that looks to him like the face of Jesus Christ has appeared in the condensation on the driver's side window of his Isuzu truck.

A Johnson City Press photo of the truck showed a facial image.

Stevens said when he first saw the image, he figured it would evaporate and not return. But it kept reappearing for two weeks now.

Stevens said folks at the grocery store he goes to were amazed to see the image.

Pumpkin

Canada: Man Dressed as Purple Teletubby Wanted by Police

teletubbies
© GNS
An armed suspect dressed as an oversized purple Teletubby is wanted by police in London, Ontario in connection with a robbery on Halloween.

A woman reports she was walking home alone just after midnight, when she was approached by a man dressed as a Teletubby, carrying a handgun.

Police say he demanded money from the victim, then fled on foot with an amount of cash.

The suspect is described as a 6 ft. 2 in. man weighing 200 to 240 pounds, with short dark hair, clean shaven, and a muscular build.

No injuries are reported.

Mr. Potato

Man Appears Alive at Own Funeral in Brazil

A Brazilian bricklayer reportedly killed in a car crash shocked his mourning family by showing up alive at his funeral.

Relatives of Ademir Jorge Goncalves, 59, had identified him as the victim of a Sunday night car crash in Parana state in southern Brazil, police said.

As is customary in Brazil, the funeral was held the following day, which happened to be the holiday of Finados, when Brazilians visit cemeteries to honor the dead.

What family members didn't know was that Goncalves had spent the night at a truck stop talking with friends over drinks of a sugarcane liquor known as cachaca, his niece Rosa Sampaio told the O Globo newspaper. He did not get word about his own funeral until it was already happening Monday morning.

A police spokesman in the town of Santo Antonio da Platina said Goncalves rushed to the funeral to let family members know he was not dead.

Pumpkin

The Kim Jong-il that Clinton met was a fake, says academic

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© REUTERS / KCNABill Clinton met Kim Jong-il in Pyongyang in August but there is strong evidence that the North Korean leader has used lookalikes in the past
Was it Kim Jong-il? Or was it a fake North Korean leader that entertained Bill Clinton on that mission to Pyongyang to retrieve the two imprisoned American journalists?

In the absence of fact, the Hermit Kingdom has long been a free-fire zone for outlandish rumour. And they got more outlandish than ever after Mr Kim reputedly suffered a stroke in August 2008. Mr Kim was variously said to be close to death, about to be toppled by a coup, or desperately fixing the succession for his youngest son. Or was he really someone else?

The mainstay of the Kim-is-fake cottage industry is a Japanese university professor called Toshimitsu Shigemura, who once claimed that the real Mr Kim died in 2003, and that everything since has been make-believe. One Mr Kim, he maintains, even flatly confessed to a Japanese visitor, "I am a double."

Beer

Woman calls 911 to report herself as drunk driver

Neilsville, Wisconsin - The call came into the 911 dispatcher: "I don't want to hurt anybody. I'm drunk." And with that, Mary Strey, 49, of Granton, reported herself as a drunken driver about three miles northeast of Neilsville in central Wisconsin.

Clark County Sheriff's Chief Deputy Jim Backus said Monday that Strey's call on Oct. 24 led deputies to cite her for misdemeanor drunken driving with a blood-alcohol level double the legal limit to drive. She makes her first court appearance Dec. 10.

Blackbox

Mystery "dream" man becomes internet hit: Have you seen this man in your dreams?

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© HOA sketch of a man that is said to have invaded many people's dreams.
Balloon Boy has competition. It arrives at night from "This Man."

An elaborate campaign is swirling around the image of a simple, bushy-browed man, who is said to be invading people's dreams.

Over the past week, This Man has appeared in mainstream newspapers from England to China, as well as found a home on YouTube and countless blogs.