Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Pistol

UK: Goth Robber Jailed for Bizarre Bank Job

A goth robber held up a bank but then gave away all the money he had stolen.

Frater Osiris Xnoubis was dressed from head to foot in black leather when he carried out the bizarre robbery.

He handed a note to terrified cashier Laura Sulling telling her he was armed and demanded she hand over the cash in her till.

Xnoubis, a Pagan worshipper, stuffed £6,570 into a bag and told her to "have a nice day" before calmly walking out of the HSBC branch in Terminus Road, Eastbourne.

He walked a few yards to the Gildridge pub where he handed barmaid Gemma Clark a £20 note for a bottle of beer and told her to keep the change.

After downing his drink he left and went to nearby Harrisons sandwich bar.

Pumpkin

Palin Issues Thankfulnesses List

Image
© Unknown
Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin today issued the following "thankfulnesses list":
This being my list of the thankfulnesses I'm tapping into this year...

I have thankfulness that we have a President who is learning to celebrate our American holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas also, even though he didn't have either of those days when he was growing up in Kenya.

I have thankfulness that we live in a country where we have the freedom to speak, even though Todd has never done so actually.

I have thankfulness that little Falcon was found safe and sound in that box, being that I was worried sick about him flying around in that balloon.

I have thankfulness for all of those Jewish settlements on the West Bank, seeing that Jewish people will be flocking to the Holy Land to celebrate Thanksgiving.

Smiley

Florida: Dog Greets Customers at Gas Station

Image
© Jim Damaske/Times
The sequence of events happens dozens of times every day at the BP gas station/convenience store at U.S. 19 at Nursery Road.

An unsuspecting customer pulls up to the drive-through window. But instead of a store clerk, up pops two paws, deep brown eyes and the tongue-flapping grin of a happy chocolate Labrador retriever named Cody.

Kids in the back seats of minivans often squeal with joy.

Even the usually stony faces of gruff construction worker-types can't help but crack a smile under the dog's unpretentious greeting.

"He hears the bell and goes running. When he pops up, that sets it off," said Karim Mansour, the store's and dog's owner. "Uncontrollable giggling."

The only thing that tops Cody's enthusiasm for a customer, is a customer who has a dog with him.

Smiley

Satire Opinion: Like Hell I'm Going To Let Some Black President Help Me Pay For Dialysis

Dan Laird
© The OnionDan Laird
I take pride in who I am. Always have, always will. I've worked hard my whole life and have never taken anyone's charity, and I'm not about to start now, no matter what. I'm telling you, there's no way I'm going to sit back and let some black president of the United States try to devise a structure to help me pay for the dialysis treatment I so desperately need to survive.

Not over my dead body.

Just who does this Afro-American occupant of the highest office in the land think he is, anyway? Look, I've got nothing against black people, but some of them act like the whole world owes them something. For example, important government subsidies on my dialysis.

People

Fox's Fuzzy Math: 193 Percent Of The Public Support Palin, Huckabee, and Romney

Reporting on the latest Fox News/Opinion Dynamics poll last night on Fox News' local Chicago affiliate, anchor Byron Harlan employed some funny math in asserting that Sarah Palin is leading the pack for the GOP nomination in 2012:
HARLAN: It looks as if the rogue route is helping Sarah Palin. Her book tour has meant new support. A new Opinion Dynamics poll for 2012 shows her on top when it comes to landing the nomination. Palin is at 70 percent, about a third higher than this past July. Mike Huckabee stands at 63 percent. Mitt Romney's 60.
Those figures add up to 193 percent.

Oscar

Kseniya Simonova - Sand Animation - Ukraine's Got Talent

Kseniya Simonova is a Ukrainian artist who recently won the "Ukraine's Got Talent" competition. She uses a giant light box, dramatic music, imagination and "sand painting" skills to interpret the invasion and occupation of her country from 1941-1945.


Igloo

Utah: Man Happy with Simple Life in Cave

A 48-year-old man who has not used money in nine years and resides in a desert cave in Moab, Utah, said he loves his simple existence.

Daniel Suelo said while he shops for clothes by going through garbage, he is content with living an existence where he does not have to worry about a job, mortgage or other concerns that plague most U.S. residents, The Denver Post reported Sunday.

"The understanding that, really, we all possess nothing is the cornerstone of all spiritual endeavors and religions," Suelo said.

A former Peace Corps volunteer, Suelo said he also will not barter for food or rent because he considers bartering another form of currency.

Popcorn

Indonesian Ulema Council Urges Muslims Not to Watch 2012

Image
© Sony Pictures
A chapter of the Indonesian Ulema Council (MUI), the highest Muslim authority, called on all Muslims Monday to not watch 2012, saying that the Hollywood movie was misleading and against Islamic belief.

Mahmud Zubaidi, head of the East Java's Malang regency chapter of MUI, told reporters that the movie was inappropriate, especially for the Muslims, who should believe that no one but Allah knows when doomsday will come. He warned that the film could give people the wrong idea about doomsday.

Produced by Sony Pictures, Roland Emmerich's 2012 is a new movie about the Mayan doomsday starring John Cusack.

Mahmud said that Muslims should not believe the ancient Mayan prediction and the description about doomsday in the movie.

Smiley

Billy Carter Gas Station Historic?

Image
© Jerry Battle Photo
Plan is afoot to memorialize his gas station

In the age of the $787 billion stimulus package, it is, perhaps, a modest question:
Should American taxpayers foot the bill to enshrine the gas station run by the late Billy Carter -- the beer-swilling, wisecracking, self-professed redneck brother of the 39th president?
Located in tiny Plains, still the world's most famous peanut town some 28 years after the Carter presidency, the station was transformed into a museum last year by a civic group that owns the property.

Its claim to historical significance came during Jimmy Carter's 1976 presidential run, when reporters mobbed Plains and transformed the station into an unofficial headquarters.

It became the setting for story after story about Billy Carter and his down-home manners and epigrammatic wit (for example: "Beer is not a good cocktail-party drink -- especially in a home where you don't know where the bathroom is").

Cult

Tom & Jerry Illuminati Pyramid & Satan Worship?