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Smiley

Gnome Census: Illinois town plans first garden gnome count

Steve Schmadeke
Chicago Tribune
Sat, 17 Apr 2010 13:56 UTC
Ever since the tiny downstate town of Strasburg adopted garden gnomes as its mascot about two years ago, the pint-size mythological figures have arrived in increasing numbers, residents say.

And so town leaders have decided to launch their first Gnome Census, sending volunteers door to door Saturday to ask the roughly 600 residents how many bearded figurines they have, as well as their sex, age and place of origin.

It's a bit of fun that leaders hope will bring members of the community, about 80 miles southeast of Springfield, closer together.
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Oscar

Stop Griping Joe Public - The Election Aint About You!

Andrew Marr
Feed the Moon
Tue, 13 Apr 2010 12:10 UTC
Image
It's gonna be a corker!...For us, not you.

In my long career as a political correspondent I honestly can't remember more buzz and excitement than that currently being generated by this looming election campaign. What's that Marr, I hear you say, have you finally lost your mind? -Well, no, I haven't: I'm not actually talking about you lot, the much put-upon general public - the buzz to which I refer is the buzz created, maintained and enjoyed by us: the newspaper and television correspondents! Yes, we, the humble servants of the media-behemoths are positively salivating at the prospect of live debates between the three major parties . Can you imagine the amount of airtime we will spend, carefully analysing and breaking down those bland, carefully-rehearsed answers the three leaders will give to our inane and carefully-vetted questions?

And make no mistake, although you, the general public have never before felt quite so apathetic, quite so cynical, and utterly detached from the political scene - we, the mass media have never felt so juiced and close to the action. I say, hoorah! -That has got to be great news for everyone! -Every one of us in the media that is!
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Mr. Potato

This is NOT satire! Bin Laden ordered a satellite TV dish to watch 9/11 attacks... but couldn't get a signal from his mountain cave!


UK Daily Mail
Fri, 16 Apr 2010 19:23 UTC
Image
Following successive attempts to install broadband, Osama just gave up paying the mortgage on his Tora Bora condo and retired to Florida
Osama Bin Laden requested a satellite TV dish be installed in his Afghanistan hideaway so he could watch the September 11, 2001 terror attacks as they happened, according to his former bodyguard.

But the Al Qaeda leader was unable to get a signal in the mountainous terrain surrounding his base in Kandahar so couldn't watch the two hijacked planes hit the World Trade Center in New York, claimed Nasser Al Bahri.

The 37-year-old said: 'He asked for satellite TV to be able to follow the bombing.'

Mr Al Bahri, who was known as Abu Jandal (The Killer), served Bin Laden for three years before being arrested in Yemen ahead of the 9/11 attacks.

But he claims to know Bin Laden told his media chief Hassan Al-Bahloul: 'It is very important that we are able to watch the news today.'

Bin Laden also instructed Mr Al Bahri to shoot him dead if he was on the verge of being captured by Western forces, the former bodyguard said.

'I would rather receive two bullets in the head than to be taken prisoner,' he told him. 'I want to die a martyr, but certainly not in prison.'

Mr Al Bahri, who has renounced his extremist past, now regrets not having shot Bin Laden dead when he had the chance.

He said: 'Today I wish I had used it (the gun), but at the time he was someone very important for me.'

'Jihad is not about attacking civilians,' he added.

Comment: Remember that Bin Laden strenuously denied any involvement in 9/11 in the immediate aftermath of the NeoCons' "new Pearl harbor":

Bin Laden says he wasn't behind 911 attacks

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Question

Tea Party protest signs: Copyediting tips proffered


The Christian Science Monitor
Fri, 02 Apr 2010 00:00 UTC
Whatever the Tea Party movement's merits, their protest signs don't always present themselves well. To promote clearer political discourse, we've offered some free copyediting.

TPM sign
© UnknownPROBLEM: Homophone confusion, extraneous hyphen. SOLUTION: To communicate first-person plural possession, use the pronoun 'our' instead of the verb 'are.'
TPM sign
© UnknownPROBLEM: 'Excetions' is not a word. SOLUTION: Use actual words. Punctuation can also be helpful in conveying meaning.
TPM sign
© UnknownPROBLEM: 'Hugh' is a rather common first name, thus the meaning of the sign is unclear. SOLUTION: Include a surname, such as 'Grant,' 'Hefner,' or 'Jackman,' so that a reader of the sign will know exactly which Hugh to which you are objecting.

Comment: It's extremely hard to take these Tea Party people seriously when their signs reflect so poorly on their basic command of the English language. The Other 95% showed up at the Washington, D.C. rally with a great sign and with no errors:

The Other 95%
© Unknown
The Other 95% had no errors in their facts either, something else the Tea Partiers are woefully guilty of. The Obama stimulus bill provided an $800 family tax credit and federal income taxes are at historic lows as indicated by this chart:

Federal Income Tax Chart
© cbpp.org
Well, we wouldn't want facts to get in the way of a good rant.

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Mr. Potato

MSNBC Uses Puppets And Song To Explain the Financial Crisis

Jillian Rayfield
TPMmuckraker
Wed, 14 Apr 2010 06:31 UTC
Having trouble understanding the financial crisis?

MSNBC's got your solution right here: Puppets!

On Dylan Ratigan's show today, a troupe of puppets called "Story Pirates" sang a song about how Wall Street bankers and politicians paved the way for the financial collapse.

Sample lyric:

"You can wake up every morning and work hard all the time,
Or you can do what I do and commit financial crimes."
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Smiley

Satire: Greek Debt Crisis: 8 Ways to Calm Screaming PIIGS

Ignatious O'Reilly
Sott.net
Mon, 12 Apr 2010 12:23 UTC
Crying PIIGGY Bank
© SoTT.net
There are so many challenges involved with a debt crisis; the late night printing of cash, the lack of sleep, and the endless mounds of dirty laundry exposed by the alternative media. If your currency has become adversely affected by screaming PIIGS and you're not fortunate enough to be one of the insiders who profit from it, life can seem desperate. When you have colicky countries that cry incessantly, you become even more fatigued, stressed, and frustrated. In most cases, there is nothing wrong with your country, and the crying is not a cause for alarm. After all, your little one is probably just not used to life outside of its borders. PIIGS are easily startled by new sounds of Bank meetings behind closed doors, feel over-stimulated, and are quite unsettled. Greece's recent turmoil could serve as a warning for the other Eurozone countries in dire financial straits: Portugal, Ireland, Italy and Spain. Luckily, there are some tried and true remedies that you can try to calm your screaming PIIGS during a debt crisis.
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War Whore

SOTT Focus: Who Cries for the Insiders? A rich, powerful, white man speaks out

Pugnacious O'Pseudonym


Sott.net
Sun, 11 Apr 2010 23:33 UTC
crocodile-tear
© Unknown
The recent release of 17 minutes of video footage shot from an American Apache helicopter on July 12, 2007 in Iraq, is reprehensible, seditious, and un-American. Video footage such as this, as well as hundreds of thousands of documents normally kept safely out of the prying hands of an ill-informed public under the aegis of National Security, are not released for a reason. Simply put, they spoil our fun.



After all, how are we to successfully wage a war of unprovoked aggression when such "leaks" reveal all our tricks and flimsy justifications for senseless and adrenalin-pumping murder to every 13-year-old who has access to YouTube? How can we stand by our plausible cover stories when videos like this impugn our self-created credibility? Yes, when our expendable, fleshy killing machines see an Iraqi man with a camera, what other choice do they have than to tell their superiors he has a weapon and request to "engage" him, and any other Iraqis who happen to be in the vicinity? How else are they supposed to raise their "kill count", I ask you??



It boggles the mind.
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Eagle

Outcrazying The Crazy: How A Prankster Plans To Infiltrate And Destroy The Tea Party Movement

Evan McMorris-Santoro
TPMmuckraker
Tue, 13 Apr 2010 11:16 UTC
Jason Levin, leader of Crash The Tea Party
© on imageJason Levin, leader of Crash The Tea Party
Meet Jason Levin: possibly the scariest man in the tea party universe. An Oregon technology consultant, Levin is the leader of Crash The Tea Party, a plan to take down the tea party from the inside. Levin says he's got a growing cadre of supporters across the country, and conservatives from the message boards to the set of the Sean Hannity's show are getting nervous.

"Our plan is not to shout them down," Levin told me yesterday, "but to infiltrate them and push them farther from the mainstream."

The scheme reads like a sequel to "Being John Malkovich": Levin's group of protesters plan to get in the heads of tea partiers at the Tax Day Tea Parties nationwide Thursday and manipulate them right out of relevance. They'll dress like tea partiers, talk like tea partiers and carry signs like tea partiers. In fact, according to Levin they'll be completely indistinguishable from tea partiers, except for one thing -- they won't be out-crazied by anyone.
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Take 2

Tina Fey Reprises Palin Spoof With 'The Sarah Palin Network'

Rachel Slajda
TPMmuckraker
Mon, 12 Apr 2010 08:49 UTC
Tina Fey hosted Saturday Night Live this weekend and, of course, reprised her role as Sarah Palin -- complete with Palin's new leather jacket.

The bit was a spoof ad for the "Sarah Palin Network," featuring shows such as, "Hey Journalist, I Gotcha," and original movies that "aim for the heartland," such as, "My Daughter Only Sprained Her Ankle, You Can't Seriously Be Considering Euthanizing Her."
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Sheeple

Escaped Convicts Disguised as Sheep Evade Argentinian Authorities

Virginia Wheeler
Courier Mail
Tue, 13 Apr 2010 10:46 UTC
Image
© The Sun
Two escaped convicts in Argentina have dodged a huge manhunt by disguising themselves as sheep.

The Sun said the pair was reported to have dressed in full sheepskin fleeces, complete with heads, to lie low among farm flocks.

Robbers Maximiliano Pereyra, 25, and Ariel Diaz, 28, allegedly stole the sheep hides from a ranch after breaking out of an Argentinian maximum security prison in La Alameda a week ago.

They managed to evade the 300 police on their trail, despite locals seeing them running through fields at night, The Sun said.
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