Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Stormtrooper

A Colonoscopy at Every Airport?

The Underpants Bomber may very well have opened up a whole new chapter in airport security. For example, how long will it be before rectums become the hiding places of choice? What do we do to detect this? The conglomeration of odors may very well either confuse or repel the sniff dogs. In fact, the sniff dogs may lie down and play dead. The security personnel will be required to wear gas masks. They may also call in sick for work more often than usual.

Newspaper

The plot thins ...

The more I read about the latest plane terrorist, the more I know it's all fake.

Yesterday we were told the terrorist himself said the explosive was strapped to his leg, today we are told by the Telegraph, quoting nobody at all, that it was sewn into his underwear. Okay, maybe he was wearing long winter underwear.

The Telegraph, again quoting nobody at all, tells us the explosive was the same as Richard Reid used. Yet in all this time, authorities have not come up with a detection method for this type of explosive?

I can't wait to see what stories the other rags are coming out with.

Mr. Potato

Jesus Image Appears on Banana Peel

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© The Daily TelegraphHoly banana ... Lisa Swinton found an image which resembles Jesus Christ in her fruit bowl.
Sitting down for an after lunch snack turned into a brush with all things holy when Lisa Swinton saw the face of Jesus on her banana peel.

''I was like 'Oh my God! It's Jesus on a banana!''

''I got it out of the fruit bowl and was about to peel it and eat it when I saw his face,'' she told The Daily Telegraph.

The impact of seeing Christ pressed into the banana did not stop the 39-year-old of Haberfield from still eating the fruit and depositing the holy peel.

''I put some photos up on Facebook - one of my friends said it looked like a monkey.''

Ms Swinton is not a stranger to holy visions appearing in day to day household objects.

Snowman

Friends pack apartment with gifts in holiday prank

A Chicago man could be unwrapping the hundreds of Christmas gifts spread around his apartment for days, even weeks.

Trouble is, they aren't really presents. They're his own belongings meticulously wrapped by friends as a prank while he was out of town.

Louie Saunders' packages contain everything from couch cushions to the beer in his refrigerator.

His friend Adal Rifai masterminded the scheme after Saunders gave him a spare key. It took 16 people, 35 rolls of wrapping paper and eight hours to finish the job.

Saunders tells the Chicago Sun-Times he's only been able to unwrap about 10 percent of the packages.

He jokes that the upside is that, with each package he unwraps, he finds something inside that's just what he needs.

Question

Astral mystery endures in Nova Scotia church

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© CBCThe mysterious chancel ceiling at St. John's Anglican Church in Lunenburg, N.S., was reconstructed in 2004 after a fire three years earlier. While locals now know what the star pattern represents, they don't know who originally designed it, or how.

Parishioners at a one of Canada's oldest Anglican churches will be puzzled by an enduring enigma when they gaze heavenward this Christmas.

The chancel ceiling at St. John's Anglican Church in Lunenburg, N.S., has a special pattern of gilded stars on it, and while locals now know what it represents, they have yet to find out who originally designed it, or how.

The conundrum emerged after the church, built in 1754, burned on Halloween night in 2001 as a result of arson. The parish sought to reconstruct the building's interior as closely as possible, and it brought in parishioner Margaret Coolen in 2004 to re-create the ceiling over the altar.

But the church didn't have a complete set of photographs of the original star pattern, so Coolen, hoping the pattern reflected the actual alignment of heavenly bodies in the night sky, sought the help of astronomer David Turner of St. Mary's University in Halifax.

Smiley

Colbert: Beck 'raised the stupid bar and now it's nearly inapproachable'

colbert glen beck

Stephen Colbert explained why it's so difficult to mock Fox News' newest celebrity at the Second City 50th anniversary event in Chicago last weekend. Colbert told a panel that Glenn Beck "raised the stupid bar and now it's nearly inapproachable."

The Atlantic's Jim Warren was there.

As for Glenn Beck, the panel discussed the challenge of maintaining a separation between reality and satire when so many TV pundits are simply, premeditatedly over-the-top.
"I said, 'Let's start doing some Glenn Beck stuff but in praise of Glenn Beck,'" said Colbert. "But every time we do one, he will have done something dumber. He raised the stupid bar and now it's nearly inapproachable."

"I worry that if we use that as a model... if somebody doesn't believe what they're saying, it's very hard to out-stupid them," said a decidedly analytical Colbert. "Because then there's no place to sink our hook into, there's no mountain to climb there. I can't climb Glenn Beck since there's nothing there."

Camcorder

Pigeon defecates on a Google Street view camera

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© Unknown
A pigeon has defecated on a Google Street view camera.

Photographs taken for Google's Street View service showed the pigeon defecting on the screen of the Street view car in Los Angeles.

It is the latest mishap to hit the Street View service, which launched its Irish version earlier this year.

The Street View service, allows people to view pictures of their homes and neighbourhoods online via the search engine's maps.

The 3D images have been captured by special patrol cars with roof-mounted 360-degree cameras, which take pictures of every street and road in the city. The faces of people captured in photographs are automatically blurred so that they cannot be identified, while car number plates are also rendered illegible.

Mr. Potato

Japanese Man Takes Video Game Character as Wife

A Japanese man has married a character in a popular video game, taking her -- and his handheld game console -- on an overseas honeymoon.

The man, who prefers to use his online moniker SAL9000, met character Nene Anegasaki while playing dating simulation game Love Plus.

They got married a few weeks ago, broadcasting their ceremony live on Japan's version of video-sharing website Youtube.

SAL9000, who did not want to reveal his real name for fear of being misunderstood, admits to be an otaku, a breed of Japanese youth obsessed with video games, computers and fantasy worlds.

Newspaper

Winter Blues, Ancient Rites, Winter Weather All Part of Solstice

Around lunchtime on Monday, astrological winter will begin.

At precisely 11:47 a.m. CST that day the sun will be directly over the Tropic of Capricorn - its southernmost point in its journey across the seasons - at 23.5 degrees south of the Equator.

Most people won't observe the winter solstice, but their bodies and dispositions might well take heed. And many holiday preparations are rooted in ancient rites associated with the year's shortest day. Daylight will be down to 9.7 hours in Tennessee.

The diminished hours of sunlight at this time of year can affect everything from how people feel to how much food they consume and sleep they get.

Family

Best of the Web: America is number thirty-seven

Here is a little song celebrating our position at #37 in the world in healthcare.


"We're Number 37"

Come one, Come all
Down to the hall
We're gonna make noise
We're gonna bust balls
We're gonna disrupt
We're gonna jump in the fray
I got a list of all the things that were supposed to say
We're gonna get real rowdy
Have a barrel of fun
But were the USA so by the way be sure to bring a gun
And buddy
We're Number 37