Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Einstein

Washington burglary victim drives off in thieves' van

Bellevue - A man in Washington state made sure a pair of burglars didn't get away with his three flat-screen televisions - he moved their getaway car.

Patrick Rosario was in the basement of his Bellevue home on Tuesday when he heard the burglars upstairs.

Smiley

Flying thief caught again at age 83

A notorious 83-year-old Hungarian thief with a criminal record dating back six decades, was caught by police Thursday at the scene of a break-in.

Kosztor Sandorne, dubbed "Flying Gizi" by Hungarian media, was arrested after she entered a house in Komarom, a town in the northwest.

Sandorne, who earned her nickname because she liked to flee her crime scenes by taking commercial flights, said she was in the house because she was trying to save money.

Mr. Potato

Collaboration, Coincidence, Lack of Clothing Lead Police to Suspect

The man suspected of robbing the Wells Fargo Bank in downtown Great Falls on Wednesday was one door away from a clean getaway. Unfortunately for him, he picked the wrong door.

Johny James Laverdure, 33, was trying to walk out of the Oakland International Airport on Thursday, but set off an alarm when he opened a restricted door, Sgt. Bruce McVey of the Alameda County Sheriff's Office said Friday afternoon.

After triggering the alarm, Lavendure entered an off-limits area of the airport. According to another sergeant with the Alameda County Sheriff's Office, Lavendure, in an apparent effort to cover up his identity, took off all his clothes and everything he had on him and hid them in a closet. Airport security alerted Alameda County sheriff's deputies, who found the unclothed Lavendure hiding from authorities. The sergeant said he didn't know if Lavendure had other clothes he had planned to change into.

Smiley

Teen files bill to make vocal surgery illegal

Jordan Star_Debarking
© John WilcoxVOICE FOR DOGS: Jordan Star and Sen. Scott Brown, who is co-sponsoring the high school freshman’s bill to outlaw devocalization surgery for dogs, meet to discuss Logan’s Law, which is named after a debarked sheepdog adopted by Gayle and Tom
Needham High freshman Jordan Star doesn't claim he can talk to the animals, but as the surprise driving force behind a bill to outlaw the surgical silencing of dogs and cats, the teen is doing a fine job speaking on their behalf.

"To take a voice away from an animal is morally wrong," Star, 15, said of convenience devocalization, the removal of a pet's vocal cords so Fido and Fluffy are seen, not heard.

Star tackled the topic after encountering a dog who'd been debarked, then abandoned.

"It was just horrible," he said of the dog's struggle to get his attention. "It was just like a hoarse, wheezy cough. In a shelter, all they are is a mutilated animal, which makes them harder to adopt."

Snowman

Is Canada's Gray Seal Hunt Cancelled Due to Lack of Demand?

Gray Seal_01
© MGSpillerThousands of gray seals could be spared particularly brutal deaths this year because sealers have been unable to find a buyer for the pelts.
This news comes as the European Union considers a ban on all seal products, an action which some think drove typical pelt buyers to rethink their purchase this year. Multiple sources say the hunt will likely not happen, but Canada's Department of Fisheries and Oceans still officially say the hunt is on.

Sherlock

The Strange History of Saint Valentine's Day

Valentine
© UnknownSaint Valentine Icon.
At least three different Saint Valentines, all of them martyrs, are mentioned in the early martyrologies under date of 14 February.

One is described as a priest at Rome, another as bishop of Interamna (modern Terni), and these two seem both to have suffered in the second half of the third century and to have been buried on the Flaminian Way, but at different distances from the city.

In William of Malmesbury's time what was known to the ancients as the Flaminian Gate of Rome and is now the Porta del Popolo, was called the Gate of St. Valentine. The name seems to have been taken from a small church dedicated to the saint which was in the immediate neighborhood. Of both these St. Valentines some sort of Acta are preserved but they are of relatively late date and of no historical value. Of the third Saint Valentine, who suffered in Africa with a number of companions, nothing further is known.

Sheeple

Nigerian car thief turns into sheep

Swiftly cuffed in vigilante ovine suppression op

We're not quite sure what to make of this report in Nigeria's Vanguard, but it appears that police in Ilorin, Kwara State, are holding in custody a chap who tried to steal a Mazda, transformed himself into a sheep and was seized by vigilantes in a swift ovine suppression operation.

The paper sort of explains that the head of the anti-sheep thief mob, one Prince Omoniyi Nasirudeen, stated for the record there were in fact two ne'er-do-wells and that when he and his team "beamed torchlight on them with the intention of apprehending them they ran away and they were vigorously chased until one of them disappeared while the second turned to sheep".

The Vanguard elaborates: "The vigilante added that the suspect turned to human being almost immediately and was still running until he was pursued to a corner where he quickly put his back behind the wall with one of the legs and turn to the sheep which was quickly grabbed.

Extinguisher

Tina Turner Burns Down Legs For Insurance Money

Image
Turner insured her famous limbs for 3.2 million.

Los Angeles - Police officers arrested Tina Turner this week on suspicion of arson, reckless endangerment, and insurance fraud, following allegations that the legendary R&B singer burned down her legs for financial gain.

Question

Nigerian web scam bilked Utah out of $2.5M

Thieves apparently used a Nigerian-based scam to steal $2.5 million from the Utah treasury, covering their tracks by using intermediaries and a church address.

A Salt Lake Tribune review of the names listed in a search warrant as receiving or transferring money have names of African origin or connections to that continent. Michael Kessler, president of Kessler International, a forensic accounting and investigation agency in New York City, said the thieves appear to have used a simple scam that originated in Nigeria about five years ago.

The Utah theft is the first time he's seen a government victimized.

"Their IT people should have known better," Kessler said after reviewing a copy of the search warrant Thursday. "It sounds like any kid could have done this."

Smiley

Iowa: Why Did You Run That Light? "Because It Was Red"

Asked why he went through an intersection on a red light, a Des Moines man about to be arrested on a third drunken driving charge, allegedly answered, "Because it was red."

Travis Lyle Williams, a 29-year-old construction worker, went through the intersection of Grand and Second Avenues "without hesitation" on a red light shortly before 2 a.m., on Thursday, police said.

He is being held in the Polk County Jail on $5,000 bond.