Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Pumpkin

Satire: Goldman Sachs Reveals it Shorted Gulf of Mexico

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© UnknownDeepwater Horizon before the 'accident'
New York - In what is looming as another public relations predicament for Goldman Sachs, the banking giant admitted today that it made "a substantial financial bet against the Gulf of Mexico" one day before the sinking of an oil rig in that body of water.

The new revelations came to light after government investigators turned up new emails from Goldman employee Fabrice "Fabulous Fab" Tourre in which he bragged to a girlfriend that the firm was taking a "big short" position on the Gulf.

"One oil rig goes down and we're going to be rolling in dough," Mr. Tourre wrote in one email. "Suck it, fishies and birdies!"

The news about Goldman's bet against the Gulf comes on the heels of embarrassing revelations that the firm had taken a short position on Lindsay Lohan's acting career.

Pumpkin

Australia: Real Life Spiderman Catches Comic Book Thief

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© CCTVComic book store owner Michael Baulderstone was captured on CCTV dressed as Spiderman catching a thief
It's every comic book fan's fantasy to become a real life superhero and fight crime, and for one man this actually became a reality as he caught a book thief in his own store while dressed in a Spiderman suit.

Michael Baulderstone defended his comic book kingdom in Adelaide, Australia, by nabbing a would-be shoplifter who was trying to swipe an X-Men omnibus worth £97.

He might not have been able to shoot webs from his wrists to catch the bad guy but his 'spider-sense' led him to rush over and confront the culprit, while other comic fans dressed as Jedi knights blocked his exit.

The store, Comic Centre, had about 40 people dressed as their favourite superheroes to celebrate International Free Comic Day on Saturday and Baulderstone's business partner Peter Spandrio was also standing watch during the incident, dressed as The Flash.

Bug

Michigan, US: Buzz Off! Thousands of Bees Cling to SUV

A beekeeper came to the rescue after a sport utility vehicle was swarmed by thousands of bees. Tanya Young of Hudsonville told The Grand Rapids Press her husband called Thursday to let her know that the bees had made the front bumper of her Honda their new home. She said she thought it was a joke.

The bees rattled the nerves of some neighborhood residents, who kept children indoors and shut windows. The bees had been living in a nearby tree, but it's unclear why they decided to swarm the SUV.

Beekeeper Jim Zoerner was called to help collect them. He and a colleague worked for about an hour and collected the bees in a wooden box hive.

Cow

Einstein Horse: Smallest Horse in the whole world!

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Einstein Horse is the world smallest horse living in planet Earth. In the photo below, you'll see four-year-old boy Garrett Mullen watching Einstein, the three-day-old pinto stallion that is considered as the world's smallest horse. Einstein weighs just around 6 pounds and has a height of 14 inches during his birth. Einstein was born last Friday in Barnstead, New Hampshire.

Judy Smith is the breeder of Einstein. She takes care of the world's smallest horse at Tiz A Miniature Horse Farm. Judy said that when Einstein was born, she thought that the pinto stallion was dead, but lo and behold, the small creature made it and survived and now the world is waiting for the confirmation of Einsteins claim of becoming the world's smallest horse. Einstein would potentially beat the previous record holder Thumbelina, a chestnut mare, who is currently 17.5 inches tall.

Passport

Arizona Arrests Meteor Crater After Learning It Was Formed By 'Undocumented' Asteroid

Acting on a tip received after passage of Arizona's tough new immigration law, police have arrested Meteor Crater.

In a daring predawn raid, Sheriff Joe Arpaio and a team of officers swept into Northern Arizona and surrounded the landmark, which made no attempt to resist.

According to scientists, Meteor Crater was formed when a massive nickel-iron asteroid immigrated to Arizona illegally from outer space.

"It looked suspiciously foreign," one resident said.

Smiley

Connecticut, US: Woman Tried to Use 911 as Taxi Service

Police in one Connecticut city have a warning for nightclub patrons: Don't call 911 for a ride home.

New Haven police say that's what 28-year-old Quandria (KWAN'-dree-ah) Bailey did, calling the emergency line six times to request a ride from a nightclub back to her Meriden home.

Bailey was charged with six counts of misuse of the 911 system early Sunday. She was released on a $1,000 bond and is scheduled to appear in court May 5.

A telephone number for Bailey could not immediately be located Sunday.

Mr. Potato

Colorado, US: Man Invades Home, Says He's at Wrong House

Police said a man entered the bedroom of a home while the residents were asleep, woke them up and showed them a handgun, then left without incident after saying he had the wrong house.

Colorado Springs police were looking for the suspect following the reported 3 a.m. Friday home invasion.

Police did not say whether the man apologized.

No injuries were reported. Names were not released.

Mr. Potato

US: Arrest made after blow dart spree

Stevens Point, Wisconsin - A 41-year-old Plover woman is in Portage County Jail after a blow darting spree in downtown Stevens Point Wednesday night.

Paula Wolf was arrested at 9:30 p.m. Wednesday, less than an hour after four pedestrians told police they were shot with blow darts that came from a van she was driving.

Police received its first report at 9 p.m. from a 25-year-old Stevens Point woman who said she was walking in the 800 block of Crosby Avenue near Pfiffner Pioneer Park when she felt a dart hit her chest. A second victim, a 21-year-old Stevens Point man, said he was walking past Mead Park at 9:13 p.m. when he saw a van come up from behind and then felt a dart in his chest. Another victim, a 42-year-old Mosinee man, was walking in the 1300 block of Church Street when he felt a dart strike him in the back. A fourth victim was standing outside 1140 Main Street at 9:30 p.m. smoking a cigarette when a black minivan with what appeared to be a pipe sticking out the window pulled up. The victim said she felt the dart hit her, but it did not puncture her skin because she was wearing several layers of clothing.

Telephone

US: Zambian ambassador speaks at New Jersey high school after calling student by accident

Lazarous Kapambwe
© Alexandra Pais/New Jersey Local News ServiceLazarous Kapambwe, representative of the Republic of Zambia to the United Nations talks to students at West Orange High School on Wednesday April 21, 2010.
Logan Svitzer was sitting in his U.S. history class here when his cell phone rang. He answered, but didn't understand the person on the other end and hung up. He subsequently received a text message, which he ignored. Then the phone rang two more times.

Annoyed by the disruption, Svitzer's teacher, Robbin Sweeney, grabbed the cell and called back the number. On the other end was a man saying he was Lazarous Kapambwe, the Zambian ambassador to the United Nations. Sweeney was certain it was a prank or a con.

But after 10 minutes on the phone, Sweeney became convinced Kapambwe was telling the truth. Kapambwe was urgently trying to get a hold of a fellow diplomat from Sierra Leone to discuss a proposed reform of the UN Security Council. But the phone number he had stored in his phone was one digit off.

Smiley

Amsterdam: Burglars break into prison to rob absent inmates

It would make a good gag for a comedy if it weren't actually true: thieves have broken into a Dutch prison to steal the inmates' televisions.

Twice in the last six weeks, burglars broke into a minimum-security prison and stole TVs from cells while prisoners were on weekend furloughs, a spokesman for the justice ministry said on Wednesday.

The prison, in the town of Hoorn 42 km (26 miles) northeast of Amsterdam, is for inmates near the end of their sentences.

The facility is what the Dutch government calls a "very modestly protected environment," where prisoners transition back into society. They are typically allowed weekend leave, which is when the burglars decided to take advantage.