Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Ambulance

Guns for those who fire blanks

Matt Wade
The Sydney Morning Herald
Fri, 20 Feb 2009 23:07 UTC
If you want a gun in Shivpuri, it helps to get the snip.

Manish Shrivastava, the administrative head of Shivpuri, a district in central India, has come up with a unique offer to boost the number of sterilisations in his jurisdiction: any man who has a vasectomy will have his gun licence application accelerated.

"There is a fetish for arms and arms licences in this area and at the same time the male vasectomy figures are dismally low," Manish Shrivastava told the Herald. "I have simply clubbed these two things together and got a very good response."
Read More...
Robot

England: Mysterious 'Rocket-man' spotted over village


Sunday Mercury
Thu, 19 Feb 2009 23:40 UTC
Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

No, our readers are sure it was a man, flying without wings across the skies over Gentleshaw Common.

Five locals have contacted The Post after witnessing the figure travelling, seemingly unaided, over houses at around 11am on Sunday, February 8. One described it as a 'Superman' moment - a clear case of 'to Chadsmoor and beyond.'
Read More...
Smiley

Man Had Pigeons Down His Pants


Sky News
Tue, 03 Feb 2009 13:56 UTC
Pigeons Pants
The pigeons were wrapped in padded envelopes on each leg
An Australian traveller was caught with two live pigeons stuffed down his trousers following a trip to the Middle East.

Customs officials said the 23-year-old was searched after authorities discovered two eggs in a vitamin container in his luggage.

They found the pigeons wrapped in padded envelopes and held to each of the man's legs with a pair of tights.

Officials also seized seeds in his money belt and an undeclared eggplant.
Read More...
Smiley

$25 Billion Hotel Tip Worthless in Britain


United Press International
Wed, 18 Feb 2009 10:00 UTC
Employees at a British hotel said they were ecstatic to receive a $25 billion tip...until they discovered the money was Zimbabwean and worthless in Britain.

Clare Vidler, duty manager at the Metropole Hotel in Leeds, England, said a group left 25 billion-dollar notes for hotel staff before embarking on their trip back to Zimbabwe, where inflation is 231 million percent, The Sun reported Wednesday.
Read More...
Smiley

New York: Man Tries to Steal 6-Story Building


United Press International
Thu, 19 Feb 2009 17:25 UTC
A New York man is facing charges he stole a six-story apartment building and then tried to get a $1 million mortgage on it, city officials said Wednesday.

Fernando Maldonado, 47, of Brooklyn allegedly filed a phony deed with the New York City Finance and Buildings departments and then tried to defraud a lender, the city said in a news release. He now faces numerous charges that could land him behind bars for years, city officials said.

"Stealing a building and using it in an effort to steal more than a million dollars in loan money, as charged here, is about as brazen a scam as can be imagined," city Investigation Department Commissioner Rose Gill Hearn said. "But with a paper trail of phony documents, and a string of charges that can lead to substantial prison terms, the foolishness of the scheme has been exposed."
Read More...
Smiley

The mystery of Ireland's worst driver


BBC News
Thu, 19 Feb 2009 15:57 UTC
Details of how police in Ireland finally caught up with the country's most reckless driver have emerged.

He had been wanted from counties Cork to Cavan after racking up scores of speeding tickets and parking fines.

However, each time the serial offender was stopped he managed to evade justice by giving a different address.

But then his cover was blown.

It was discovered that the man every member of the Irish police's rank and file had been looking for - a Mr Prawo Jazdy - wasn't exactly the sort of prized villain whose apprehension leads to an officer winning an award.

In fact he wasn't even human.

Comment: No Irish jokes please, this was a mistake anyone could have made, 50 times, really.

Read More...
Smiley

Statue of Liberty toy mistaken for bomb


United Press International
Wed, 18 Feb 2009 20:49 UTC
Authorities in Stockholm, Sweden, said a package left outside the U.S. embassy that was suspected to be a bomb turned out to be a Statue of Liberty souvenir.

Police were called to the embassy around lunchtime Tuesday and found the suspicious package on the sidewalk outside of the embassy, Swedish news agency TT reported Wednesday.

Officers closed nearby streets while bomb squad technicians X-rayed the package, which was found to contain a harmless Statue of Liberty model.
Read More...
Smiley

The Simpsons get a facelift

Guy Adams
The Independent
Tue, 17 Feb 2009 20:28 UTC
Simpsons
© FoxWhere's the sofa? From the revamped opening sequence
Bart and Lisa never grow up. Homer always wears the same white shirt. Marge begins each episode by scanning Maggie at the supermarket checkout. But after 20 years, the makers of The Simpsons have decided to break one of their oldest traditions - by dramatically revamping the show's opening credit sequence.

The whistlestop tour through Springfield, which begins at the fictional town's elementary school and ends on the Simpson family sofa, has undergone a major facelift for the first time in the programme's 429 episodes. The new incarnation was unveiled to the American public on Sunday night.
Read More...
Pumpkin

Letter Informs Swedish Woman of Her 'Death'


United Press International
Tue, 17 Feb 2009 16:00 UTC
A Swedish woman undergoing treatment for cancer said she was shocked to receive a letter from the Swedish Social Insurance Agency declaring her dead.

The Boden, Sweden, woman said she received the letter just as she was beginning treatments for cancer and the insurance agency has since apologized for the mix-up, Swedish news agency Tidningarnas Telegrambyra reported Tuesday.

"Unfortunately this is a case of human error. The administrator was dealing with several cases simultaneously and a mix-up occurred with the address details," said Eva Sjoberg, a representative from the agency's Malmo office. "We apologize profusely for this. It has never happened before and I hope that it will never happen again."
Read More...
Smiley

Adolf Hitler Had Poor Table Manners and Suffered Flatulence


Telegraph
Tue, 17 Feb 2009 20:00 UTC
Adolf Hitler had "shocking" table manners, gorged on cake in his bunker and suffered from flatulence, psychological profile documents show.

Hitler
© BNPSAdolf Hitler (R) sits next to Josef Goebbels in the Fuhrerbunker.
The dictator also bit his fingernails at meal times and nervously rubbed his index finger back and forth across his mustache, the newly discovered papers disclose.

The top secret papers also state Hitler believed Goebbels' own propaganda about himself and genuinely thought he was the "greatest military genius of all time".

The revelations show Hitler had a "streak of passive masochism" in his relationships with women.

The Fuhrer's daily routine and "uncouth" behavior were recorded in notes taken from a high-ranking Nazi who spilled the beans to a British agent.
Read More...