Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Cow

Non-Kosher Hot Dog Incites Rage At Jewish Eatery

Restaurant Owner Brandished Electric Knife To Fend Off Enraged Customers

New York-It was an all-out frankfurter frenzy this week at a popular Jewish restaurant in Brooklyn, as a certain hot dog caused a near-riot.

It's not what you would expect: a worker in a NYC eatery caught on tape fending off a group of Jewish patrons with an electric knife.

"I was petrified - stuff was going through my mind," a patron who didn't want his name used said. "I want to live. I don't want to get stabbed for a hot dog."

The long-time patron says the chaos broke out when he and a rabbi noticed the frankfurters on the grill were non-Kosher, in a restaurant that's supposed to be dishing out the Kosher variety.

Mr. Potato

Sweden on the brink of Eurovision war

Everybody panic! The Local has inadvertently sparked what the Swedish press is referring to as the 'Tingeling Crisis'.

Now as crises go, it's hardly Cuba or the Berlin Blockade. But in a land such as Sweden, gripped with Eurovision fever, revelations that the Russians were less than pleased with an interval song and dance number at the Melodifestivalen final have quickly spread far and wide.

Smiley

YouTube 'spammed by US Congressmen'

YouTube, the internet hosting site, is being flooded with cringe worthy video messages from US politicians, it has been claimed.


Smiley

Jewel thieves robbed of takings

Two men who held up a jewellery store in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, were themselves robbed as they made their getaway, US police say.

A second pair of robbers pounced on their haul of cash and gems in the street outside, sparking a fight followed by a car chase.

Police pulled over both vehicles and arrested four men, all from Illinois.

Crusader

Bill Would Allow Texas School to Grant Master's Degree in Science for Creationism

A Texas legislator is waging a war of biblical proportions against the science and education communities in the Lone Star State as he fights for a bill that would allow a private school that teaches creationism to grant a Master of Science degree in the subject.

State Rep. Leo Berman (R-Tyler) proposed House Bill 2800 when he learned that The Institute for Creation Research (ICR), a private institution that specializes in the education and research of biblical creationism, was not able to receive a certificate of authority from Texas' Higher Education Coordinating Board to grant Master of Science degrees.

Berman's bill would allow private, non-profit educational institutions to be exempt from the board's authority.

"If you don't take any federal funds, if you don't take any state funds, you can do a lot more than some business that does take state funding or federal funding," Berman says. "Why should you be regulated if you don't take any state or federal funding?"

Document

Councils get banned jargon list

Churchill - BBC
Winston Churchill is an example to council workers, campaigners say
Council leaders have compiled a banned list of the 200 worst uses of jargon, with "predictors of beaconicity" and "taxonomy" among the worst horrors.

The Local Government Association says such words and phrases must be avoided for staff to "communicate effectively".

Cliches such as "level playing field" and inscrutable terms like "re-baselining" have been prohibited.

LGA chairman Margaret Eaton said: "The public sector must not hide behind impenetrable jargon and phrases."

Local and central government are often criticised for their use of language.

'Coterminous, stakeholder engagement'

The LGA's list includes suggested translations of some terms, such as "measuring" for the civil servant's favourite "benchmarking", "idea" for "seedbed", "delay" for "slippage" and "buy" for "procure".

For most, though, no explanation is forthcoming or, perhaps, possible.

Town hall workers are urged not to use the words "mainstreaming", "holistic", "contestability" and "synergies".

Magic Wand

Secrets of the Wizard of Oz

Image
The 1939 film is the most famous evocation of the story
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz is one of the world's best-loved fairytales. As Judy Garland's famous film nears its 70th birthday, how much do its followers know about the story's use as an economic parable?

Dorothy in Kansas conjures up nostalgic thoughts of childhood Christmases hiding behind the sofa from the Wicked Witch of the West. Or those flying monkeys.

It's unlikely its young fans will have been thinking about deflation and monetary policy.

But the story has underlying economic and political references that make it a popular tool for teaching university and high school students - mainly in the United States but also in the UK - about the economic depression of the late 19th Century.

At a time when some economists fear an onset of deflation, and economic certainties melt away like a drenched wicked witch, what can be learnt from Oz?

The 1939 film starring a young Judy Garland was based on Lyman Frank Baum's book, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, published in 1900. It told of an orphaned Kansas girl swept by a tornado into a fantastical world, but who wants to return home to her aunt and uncle.

Thinking the great Wizard of Oz can grant her wish, she sets out to meet him with her beloved dog, Toto, joined by a scarecrow, a tin woodman and a lion.

Baum published the book in 1900, just after the US emerged from a period of deflation and depression. Prices had fallen by about 22% over the previous 16 years, causing huge debt.

Comment: Although there are other meaningful interpretations, this one is rather timely.


Grey Alien

Crisis hits moon sales


The global recession has already hit property prices around the world, but the latest real estate victim is proving the crisis to be extraterrestrial too.

Sales of land on the moon, Venus and Mars in January and February were close to zero, say officials at the Lunar Embassy in Prague.

To boost sales, the embassy has cut prices down by 20 percent.

Blackbox

Who You Gonna Call? Ghostbusting Gadget Launched

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The 'real' Ghostbusters are more likely to catch a spook than a new ghost killing gadget from Thailand.
A Thai company reckons it's invented a machine to get rid of unwanted ghosts.

The wannabe Ghostbusters at Super Boondee are advertising the Trisaksri Ghost Repellent, a device that they claim will get rid of evil spirits, leaving only nice ones, with special Wave Killer technology.

Stormtrooper

Swiss spider-smuggler seized on German border

Spider_01
© 2009 AFPMan trying to smuggle 164 trap-door spiders is caught by German custom police
German customs officials inspecting a Swiss car got a nasty shock when they discovered 164 large spiders and 45 boxes of cockroaches -- the arachnids' food for the journey, a spokesman said Monday.

The trap-door spiders, most "as big as a fist", were found wriggling around in boxes and plastic bags, Markus Ueckert, a spokesman for the customs office in the south-western German city of Loerrach said.