Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Pumpkin

New Zealand lawmaker sculpted in cow manure

nick smith  cowdung
© na

A sculpture of ACC and Environment Minister Nick Smith made out of cow manure has sold for $3080 on auction site TradeMe.co.nz.

The bust sculpted as a protest by artist Sam Mahon, attracted 112 bids before being picked up by an anonymous buyer on Friday.

Mahon said he created the sculpture, and chose the medium, to protest what he considered Dr Smith's too-soft position on dairy farm pollution. He said the bust did not smell and would last forever.

Camera

Ex-Blue Cross spokesman says health insurance 'worst product in American history'

Teaming with the liberal Brave New Films, a former Blue Cross pitchman is now pitching against Blue Cross.

Andy Cobb, who once tried to sell Floridians on a Blue Cross health insurance plan, says he's fed up with the industry.

"I was a spokesman for BlueCross and Blueshield of Florida," Cobb says. "Call me a spokesjerk. People who make money for buying things you don't need. And we're telling you lies."

Smiley

DUI Suspect to Cop: 'Dude, I Do This Every Night'

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© CBN
A northwest Indiana man was arrested early this morning near Portage for driving with a blood-alcohol level almost four times the state's legal limit of .08 percent.

"Dude, I do this every night; I'm straight up and not drunk!" Zachary R. Duis told an Indiana state trooper after he was pulled over, police said.

Duis, 24, of Portage, was arrested for operating a vehicle while intoxicated. He was also wanted on two warrants out of Porter County for resisting law enforcement and furnishing alcohol to a minor, both misdemeanors.

About 2:20 a.m., the Porter County sheriff's department received a call about a 1995 Chevrolet S-10 pickup truck driving erratically, state police said. A sheriff's deputy pulled the truck over on State Road 149 and 1000 North.

Shortly thereafter, the trooper arrived on the scene. Duis failed field sobriety tests and was taken to the Portage Police Department for a certified breath test, state police said.

Mr. Potato

South Korean Woman Passes Driver's Exam on 950th Try

Sa-soon
© AP Photo/Yonhap, Kim Dong-chul68-year-old South Korean woman Cha Sa-soon shows her application form for a driver's license in Wanju, south of Seoul, South Korea.
A woman in South Korea who tried to pass the written exam for a driver's license with near-daily attempts since April 2005 has finally succeeded on her 950th time.

The aspiring driver spent more than 5 million won ($4,200) in application fees, but until now had failed to score the minimum 60 out of a possible 100 points needed to get behind the wheel for a driving test.

Cha Sa-soon, 68, finally passed the written exam with a score of 60 on Wednesday, said Choi Young-chul, a police official at the drivers' license agency in Jeonju, 130 miles (210 kilometers) south of Seoul.

Police said Cha took the test hundreds of times, but had no specific total. Local media said she took the test 950 times.

Now she must pass a driving test before getting her license, Choi said.

Arrow Down

Large Hadron Collider Stalled Again...Thanks to Chunk of Baguette

Bagel
© iStockphotoA spokesman for CERN told The Times: 'Nobody knows how it got there. The best guess is that it was dropped by a bird, either that or it was thrown out of a passing aeroplane'
The rehabilitation of the beleaguered Large Hadron Collider was on hold tonight after the failure of one of its powerful cooling units caused by an errant chunk of baguette.

The £4 billion particle-collider faced more than a year of delays after a helium leak stymied the project in its first few days of operation. It is gradually being switched back on over the coming months but suffered a new setback on Tuesday morning.

Scientists at the CERN particle physics laboratory in Geneva noticed that the system's carefully monitored temperatures were creeping up.

Further investigation into the failure of a cryogenic cooling plant revealed an unusual impediment. A piece of crusty bread had paralysed a high voltage installation that should have been powering the cooling unit.

Sheeple

Irish Tricolours daubed on Protestant farmer's sheep

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© UnknownSerious and sheepish sectarian attack. Obviously the work of dyed in the wool republicans.
Six pregnant sheep belonging to a Protestant farmer from Co Tyrone have been daubed with Irish tricolours in an apparent sectarian attack.

The sheep had been left to graze in an isolated field near Ardboe when their coats were covered in green and orange paint to resemble a tricolour.

According to the farmer, who does not want to be identified, there has been an upsurge in sectarian attacks in recent weeks.

He said the ewes were pregnant and fears that some may lose their unborn lambs as a result of the stress they suffered during the incident.

Oscar

Sarah Palin victory and defeat speeches leaked

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© Unknown
Leaked copies of two speeches Sarah Palin prepared for last year's US election night have revealed she planned to salute her husband Todd as the nation's "first ever Second Dude" in the event of victory.

In defeat, which she suffered with Senator John McCain at the hands of Barack Obama and Joe Biden, the Republican vice-presidential candidate wanted to tell Todd to "get ready for the Iron Dog snow machine race!".

A new book, Sarah from Alaska, details how the then state governor fought tooth and nail to introduce Sen McCain on stage in his home town of Phoenix, Arizona, in the early hours of the morning.

She decided not to tell her own staff members that permission had been denied by senior McCain staff hours before the candidates took the stage, apparently in the hope of a last minute reprieve.

Smiley

Atlanta Man Rescues a Stray Dog from Traffic, But Ends Up with 10 Pooches

An Atlanta man who rescued one stray dog from traffic now has his hands full with 10 pooches.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported Thursday that Gary DeNicola rescued the dog in late September with plans to take it to a shelter the next day.

But it turns out the dog was pregnant and gave birth to nine puppies that night. Now DeNicola is running an animal shelter of sorts himself and he's looking for good homes for the dogs.

The Atlanta Humane Society said many shelters are facing overcrowding and aren't accepting any more animals.

Binoculars

Oklahoma: "You Hit a What?" SUV Nearly Slams into Elephant

Elephant
© AP Photo/Enid News & Eagle, Billy HeftonAn elephant that escaped from the Family Fun Circus at the Garfield County Fairgrounds after being spooked caused a vehicle accident Wednesday night.
It's not unusual to see a deer or a cow crossing Oklahoma's rural highways. But an elephant?

An Oklahoma couple driving home from church nearly slammed into a giant pachyderm that had escaped from a nearby circus late Wednesday.

"Didn't have time to hit the brakes. The elephant blended in with the road," driver Bill Carpenter said Thursday. "At the very last second I said 'elephant!'"

Carpenter, 68, said he swerved his SUV at the last second and ended up sideswiping the 29-year-old female Asian elephant on U.S. 81 in Enid, about 80 miles north of Oklahoma City.

"So help me Hanna, had I hit that elephant, not swerved, it would have knocked it off its legs, and it would have landed right on top of us," he said. "We'd have been history."

The couple, who own a wheat farm, weren't injured. But the 8-foot, 4,500-pound elephant was being examined Thursday for a broken tusk and a leg wound. A local veterinarian said it appeared to have escaped major injury.

"I thought this can't be happening. Out here you could hit a deer or a cow, but this can't be happening. The good Lord was with us," Carpenter said. The elephant's tusk punched through the side of the SUV, tearing up sheet metal.

Pumpkin

Tennessee Man Says Image of Jesus Appears on Truck Window

Jim Stevens
© AP Photo/Johnson City PressJim Stevens stands next to his truck that has an image of Jesus on the window Monday, Nov. 2, 2009 in Jonesborough, Tenn.
Jim Stevens said he's not particularly religious and is clueless about why an image resembling Jesus Christ keeps appearing on his pickup.

Stevens, of Jonesborough, said nearly every morning, an image that looks to him like the face of Jesus Christ has appeared in the condensation on the driver's side window of his Isuzu truck.

A Johnson City Press photo of the truck showed a facial image.

Stevens said when he first saw the image, he figured it would evaporate and not return. But it kept reappearing for two weeks now.

Stevens said folks at the grocery store he goes to were amazed to see the image.