Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Green Light

People Power! German Judge Lets Speeding Drivers Off the Hook

A German judge has shot to popularity after letting 42 speeding drivers off without charges in the last week because he thinks speed controls merely serve to fill the state's coffers rather than prevent accidents.

Bernd Kahre, spokesman for Herford court in northwestern Germany where judge Helmut Knoener works, told Reuters the 62-year-old wanted to make a stand against the current practice of prosecuting speeders.

He said Knoener believed speed controls were not conducted to ensure greater road safety, but rather to provide the cash-strapped state with an additional source of income.

Sun

Prison to Install Sunbeds for Inmates

One of Russia's most notorious prisons will soon install sunbeds to improve the health of its inmates, its head said on Tuesday.

Styled as a brick fortress, the 19th century Butyrka prison in central Moscow has held a slew of notable figures behind its bars, from persecuted Soviet-era writers Alexander Solzhenitsyn and Isaak Babel to Adolf Hitler's nephew Heinrich.

"We are developing additional medical services ... and even sunbeds will be put in place," Butyrka's head Sergei Telyatnikov told state-run radio station Vesti FM.

The sunbeds, which Telyatnikov said would be used for medical purposes, will be installed by the end of the year, the state-run RIA news agency said.

Mr. Potato

New York man looking for drugs calls 'Crime Stoppers'

Clarence - A New York man looking to buy drugs misdialed and got the sheriff's "Crime Stoppers" line instead. Erie County Sheriff's Detective Alan Rozansky said he got a call around noon on Monday and answered with his usual "Crime Stoppers." The caller apparently didn't hear that and told Rozansky he was looking "to score" drugs.

Rozansky told WIVB-TV that he was surprised but played along and arranged a meeting with undercover officers. The officers didn't arrest the caller but used him as an informant to lead them to another transaction taking place down the road.

Pharoah

Young Man Disguised as Elderly Man Boards International Flight

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© CNN
At a glance, the elderly man in the above picture seems like a real life person, which is what allowed the young man in the above picture to board an international Air Canada flight on October 29, from Hong Kong to Vancouver.

Air Canada Corporate Security released information about a possible impostor on a flight that looked to be an elderly Caucasian male but had "young looking hands." During the flight, the elderly man went to the bathroom and a young Asian man came out instead.

Border Security Officers escorted the man off the plane after landing in Canada, which was when the man attempted to ask for refugee protection. According to the alert:

Mr. Potato

Russian Spy Anna Chapman Appears On Russian Maxim Cover

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© MaximAll the world's a stage...
Getting caught spying in the U.S. is the best thing that ever happened to Anna Chapman.

The beautiful redheaded secret agent is on the cover of the November issue of Maxim magazine's Russian edition.

Chapman, who is named one of Russia's 100 sexiest women, tells the magazine what she looks for in a man.

"Most men are divided in three categories: primitive, those that only want sex; smarter, those that want to be loved, and [the] last group -- those that not only want to be loved, they also need that this love will be the biggest and most amazing feeling in your life," she said. "Those are the most difficult, but that is my favorite category."

The sexy shoot hits stands just as Chapman is also starting a new job in the IT department of a Russian bank.

Smiley

Satire: Obama Calls For World-Wide Printer Cartridge Ban

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Obama: Never more impressive than when dealing with perceived threats
Although some bloggers on the more conspiratorial of internet sites have been loudly questioning why suicide bombers would undertake a 'dry run' before exploding bombs on passenger flights, President Obama has remained resolute in his desire to make flying unbearable for the average passenger. And as a consequence his stock may just be rising: Media commentators have described his swift reaction to the latest sort-of-threat as 'impressive' and 'statesman-like'.

Yesterday, in a nationwide televsion address, not only did he call for a worldwide ban on the use and distribution of printer cartridges but he also listed other potentially dangerous stationery items. Some of the items that the US President would also like banned from inland and worldwide flights include:

Staple GUN machines

Hole PUNCHERS

Electronic pencil SHARPENERS

Toby Ziegler, Obama's primary handler said of Obama's television address:

'He had air of dignity; of fortitude. The latest polls showed that the American public liked it. Even my own daughter said to me: "Daddy, the President totally rocked!" -On the basis of that performance I don't think the mid-terms are gonna stink up the place as much as we feared.'

Pumpkin

US: Drunken diaper-wearing man seeking candy arrested

Ocean City - Maryland State Police said a drunken 47-year-old Florida man wearing a diaper was arrested for shouting profanities while trick-or-treating. Police said Joseph David DiVanna of Sarasota, Fla., was arrested about 9:15 p.m. Sunday and charged with disorderly conduct.

Pumpkin

Customs of Halloween

Jack-o-lanterns
© Alan S. Orling/The New York Times
In an article from Oct. 30, 1892, "Customs From Halloween: An Observance That has Come From Pagan Times," The New York Times described "All Hallow Even or Halloween" as "undoubtedly a relic of pagan times."

The article continues:

Druids were accustomed to kindling sacred fires on the eve of Nov. 1, possibly to ward off evil spirits, as in the popular imagination this has always been considered the high carnival season for witches, fairies and the immaterial principle in humanity to wander abroad.

Supernatural influences prevail and divination by means of mystic ceremonies is at its highest power then.

But the greatest sport of all (In certain parts of England and Ireland), which is indulged now in this country as well, was the diving for apples. It being difficult to bite the bobbing fruit they were usually caught by the stems, or forced to the bottom of the tub and then seized.

Black Cat

Happy Halloween from Beyond the Grave: Screamin' Jay Hawkins


"I Put a Spell on You," by Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Black Cat

Bill Hicks - In Hell "Everyone here's a non-smoker"

"99% of people in hell are Christians"- Bill Hicks