Mature couples don't "fall in love," they step into it. Love isn't something you fall for; it's something you rise for.
Falling denotes lowering oneself, dropping down and being stuck somewhere lower than where you started. You have to get up from falling.Love isn't like that — at least not with people who are doing it right. Immature couples fall; mature couples coast. Because love is either a passing game, or it's forever. Love is either wrong, or it's right. A couple is either mature or immature.
How do you know? How can you tell if your relationship is in it for the long haul or the two-month plummet everyone predicted behind your love-obsessed back?
First, it should be easy, from the beginning to end. There are no passionate fights with passionate make-up sex. There's no obsessive calling, texting or worrying.
There's no real drama. Because drama is for kids.
Drama is for people who don't know how to have a relationship — who live by idealistic, preconceived notions that love must be wild and obsessive.Love is easy. It's the easiest thing you've ever done. It's the calmest place in your life, the safest blanket you've ever worn. It's something that happens naturally; it doesn't need to be fought for day in and day out.
When you love someone, and he or she loves you, and there's no doubt to his or her feelings and no doubt to yours, that's peace of mind. A peace of mind you've never had before.. the kind that humbles and revives you.
A mature relationship lives by this peace of mind; immature ones drown in it.
Immature relationships ask questions; mature relationships answer themImmature relationships are all about doubts. Does he love me? Is she cheating on me? Will we be together in two months?
Mature couples don't need to ask questions. They already know the answers, and they don't need reassurance from their partners.
They are comfortable and secure and free of doubt because mature love isn't about all those small questions, but a comfort in knowing the big one is answered.
Immature relationships leave you wanting something; mature relationships give you what you needThere's a void in immature relationships, an apparent absence and incessant worry that something's missing.
It eats away at you when you go to sleep or leave each other for just a few hours. It burns dimly when you're together, but you wave it off with sex and constant chatter.
Mature relationships have no void. There are no empty spaces or tiny cracks. There is never a feeling that something has been taken away or is leaving with the other person.
The love between the two mature people fills every crack in the fiber of their being they didn't know they had.
Immature relationships are striving to be one complete person; mature relationships are okay being twoImmature relationships are formed by two incomplete people. They are two halves trying to make one whole.
They are two people looking for something that can't be found in another person. They dominate each other, force themselves together and make one flawed mesh of a human.
Mature couples never strive to be one. They are two individual people looking to make two better people. The love between the two of them isn't about making both of them whole again, but more individual.
It's about pushing each other to pursue their passions, interests and become the best person possible.
Immature relationships lose their drive; mature relationships make you more motivatedWe all get wrapped up in love. It's easy to spend days in bed and weekends in the hazy world of blankets and kisses.
But eventually, that smothering love is replaced with motivated love — a type of love that comes when you want to make a life with someone and work hard to get that life. Immature couples never get to this.
They never feel that motivation to leave each other only to come back more successful and more determined to make a life for the two of them.
Immature relationships fight over text messages; mature relationships are always face-to-faceFighting is natural; texting is not. Mature couples do not spend their days bickering over a screen.
When they have something to work out, they do it face to face — where the meanings can't be misconstrued by emojis and auto correct. Immature couples fuel their relationship with incessant bickering and lengthy messages.
Immature couples see long texts as evidence of their "relationship" and find comfort in spending hours hiding behind their phones. They argue just to argue; mature couples fight for their future.
Immature relationships are about trying to find yourself; mature relationships already know themselvesRelationships are only for two complete people looking for companionship, yet many incomplete people look for it to complete them. This is when mature relationships and immature ones split.
You can't have a healthy relationship with two unhealthy people. When you're trying to use someone to complete you, you're creating an incomplete relationship.
Immature relationships are threatened by everyone else; mature relationships enjoy meeting other peopleThere are always going to be people in your life, pasts to each person and surprises behind closed doors.
Mature couples, however, do not feel threatened by strangers and past lovers. They are confident in their love and their partner's love.
Immature couples find threats in everyone. They're delusional and paranoid because their love is superficial. They do not have a strong enough foundation to effortlessly glide past all the distractions and threats.
Immature relationships live by preconceived timelines; mature relationships let everything happen naturallyThere's no right or wrong time to move in together. There's no specific year to get married and definitely not a timeline for your life together.
When you're in love, things happen at their own pace. You feel things, and you follow your heart.
Immature couples, however, don't have those feelings, those instincts and those effortless moments. They make up rules and guidelines and assume time is the only thing that makes or breaks their relationship.
Immature relationships judge you on your past; mature relationships help you carry itWe all have a past, and in many cases, one we're not proud of. We can't help what happened to people before we knew them. All that matters is how they are now. Immature couples, however, refuse to see beyond the past.
Mature couples don't just accept one another's pasts but want to help heal the wounds. They look beyond the mistakes and the flaws toward the beauty in the future together.
Reader Comments
Sadly, most people would rather be in a bad relationship than in none.
'Birds make great sky circles of their freedom. How do they learn it? They fall. And in falling, they are given wings.'
Rumi
This article is the usual crapass dictionary doublespeak, written by a bureaucrat worshipper on a timed salary. Ie: 'I put in my hours, spell my words, form my sentences and make my money.....then I go home and watch tv (but only the right channels, all 57 of them). All is well, I am good, I have a full fridge and a clean napkin.'
IMO
ned,
out
Slbeaudry - Ned is often just noise. Comments don't make a lot of sense in relation to the article being commented on. I think he thinks he is being very cryptic and mysterious. But it's just nonsense. Sometimes he does make sense. I haven't figured out what the reason is for that! But it usually comes off as very misanthropic. Or maybe he just does't understand the topic at hand...
You get to know the regular commenters over time. just thinking also posts a lot now, and always links links links. i'm wary of him only because he's ex military (or just really obsessed with the RCAF) and seems to live on the canada-US border (through info he has exposed by his own crosslinking -- don't worry, it's a VERY long border, i'm not outing his location), and also seems to be trying to get people to read other sites with almost every post, and pushes ideas I consider to be bigoted (like some of the things he has posted or implied about muslims), so is a possible plant or co-intel from either Canadian or American intelligence. But he seems most likely to be a very real and complex 70 something year old with an averagely competent mind, so (if he's not a psyop) he's a good litmus test for how the averagely competent web news skeptic sees things, and if his links aren't all just attempts to get us off of sott or poison our ideas, then he's got a good attitude about sharing relevant information.
Me, I'm a knee jerk critic who is quite arrogantly critical and probably wrong a lot, because I sometimes take shortcuts in deduction based on my gut, but everything I say is at the very least, food for thought, and very likely to have some truth or relevance, otherwise I wouldn't feel so forced to at least express my thoughts. I actually don't like making claims, because nothing can ever be proven. Everything we know may be wrong. Anybody who tells you otherwise is selling you something.
End rant.
Take a look at these images and please share if you wish ...strong images
Q: Is there something which could be called both the best and worst of human behaviors?
A: Yes, there is and it is called 'etiquette'. It is the best because it allows people who really know things of genuine importance to approach and be approached by those people seeking to know and to understand those types of things. It is the worst because it allows the ignorant to erect their own rules of what is permissible in thought and conduct and what is not. If such people decide that there are certain things that should not be said or done, these people can effectively prevent the learning of what is valuable from taking place.
ned
If your etiquette comment is about allowable thought, well, look, it's not about allowable thought, it's about people trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, and parsing your words with an open mind, and eventually throwing their hands up in frustration because you've metaphored-in some ideas that they can't follow with and can't challenge through your fog of surreality, so it all falls apart unless they are already exactly like you. Do you enjoy doing that to people? Is that what the universe did to you, which you are reflecting back at others? Do you see yourself as a stymied teacher? Are you broadcasting, searching for somebody who can relate to you without you being willing to try to relate to them? arrrggh.
I'm in very little mood for horse hockey today. Show your self. Or don't. I won't care three minutes after I click Add Reply, to be honest. It's not like there's any kind of tracking system for comments to let me know when people reply to me on which article anyways.
My frustration is bubbling up. You are not alone and, apparently, neither am I.
@skepticle (and slbeaudry):
I am merely adding my 2 cents to the mix. It (my 'wealth') is of a different vintage. Perhaps it is worth more than its current apparent face value, perhaps it is not. I think each one of you fellow commenters should be free to decide. Maybe some of you would like to form a gang or a posse?
Sott has its limitations (or frustrations if you prefer) but it is among the best of the internet open public comment zones (iopc zones) to actually honor the facility of free speech, something I continually press for (not only for myself but for everyone), whether here (at Sott) or elsewhere. Most places shroud themselves in hypocrisy (as regards 'free speech') and that is more frustrating and endangering (to my mind than anything) thus, the etiquette comment.....
Finally, I ask to look at the Quantum Quirk to your right.
I thank you all.
ned, out
You all question the wisdon shared by @nedlund at your own expense, for if there ever was a more on-topic, insightful commenter, I have yet to read them here.
Etiquette is like concrete; it can build a bridge or it can build a wall, it's your choice
The article strikes a bit like pop psychology, in the way it presents the traits as absolutes, in my opinion, a relationship is not either or nor black or white, but it is an organic, growing dynamic between two people, and as people are, so relationships should be ever evolving towards the ideals presented in the article and others.
For example these statements in pairs:
" Love is easy. It's the easiest thing you've ever done.
It's the calmest place in your life, the safest blanket you've ever worn.
It's something that happens naturally; it doesn't need to be fought for day in and day out. "
Anyone that has been in a relationship long enough will tell you that it isn't or wasn't always easy, when you they hear comments such as "you have something good going, or you are so good together". They will look at each other and laugh inside at the naivete, or reply that they are working actively in making that so.
Or when someone is publicly thanking their partners you hear things like "to my beautiful wife/husband who has put up with so much.." or things of the sort, clearly suggesting a great deal of work behind a successful mature relationship.
I read all of the traits as ideals to strive for, while some are more important than others and some are sure signs of either mature or immature at a given time or context.
my 2 neds
I am in an immature relationship at the moment, and every time we have a fight, some petty or not so petty point gets cleared up (after the passionate make up sex) and a new set of valid responses for that particular occurrence is set or agreed upon.
A discussion in content gives way to a talk at the meta level and progress is made, check mark, next new problem or fight brings a new opportunity to grow, together.
mature and immature are not opposites, immature is by definition something which is not YET mature.
Great debate about communication of ideas and sharing of wisdom.
Love just is. I think civilized western society has somehow deleted the reality that in spite of humanity's great ability to ponder beyond mere survival instincts, we're all still basically mammals with very base needs to innocently reproduce the species. The poetic "love" concept has evolved from our moving way beyond humanity's pre-civilization culture of simplicity and basic survival against natural processes that affect us and simultaneously stimulate progress.
There are no errors in the process of getting from A -Z.